Title: Both of them...
Author: DanaK35 (DanaK35@yahoo.com)
Archiving: anywhere as long as my name stays on it, can 
you drop me a line so I can come visit?
Rating: V
Classification: PG-13
Spoilers: none
Keywords: Same universe as "You" and "She" but can 
stand-alone
Summary: Musings


Disclaimer: 'The X-Files' and all 'The X-Files' related 
characters and situations are the intellectual property of 
Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the FOX network. 
The following material is not intended to infringe on the 
above copyright in any way. Which means, they aren't 
mine, yak yak yak...you know the drill!


Both of them...
by DanaK35


Tonight I am confused. Worked up. Nervous. The hot bath, soothing oils and scented 
candles haven't done anything to calm me down. I stare at the book in my hands, the 
words blurring before my eyes. In the darkness of my bathroom I imagine dark eyes 
watching me. Two pairs. One hazel, one chocolate brown. Here, in the sanctuary of 
my apartment I can still feel them on my body. 

Mulder and Skinner. They have been watching me. Both of them.

Skinner who has always been more patient with me, who has listened to me when he 
has Mulder a major piece of his mind. Who has risked his life for me and his career for 
us. But something changed that night on the elevator, when he gave me the means 
to save Mulder yet again. The kiss had been impulsive and chaste. Since then his gaze 
follows me whenever I walk down the hall or enter the building. When we sit in front 
of his impressive desk his eyes take on a warm shimmer, like liquid chocolate, the 
lines around his mouth soften and an incredible sadness seems to radiate from him as 
he looks from me to Mulder and back to me. Skinner stirs something deep inside me, 
something unfamiliar and wild. I close my eyes and imagine his strong hands pulling 
me close, my cheek resting on his hard chest. I imagine his sensual mouth on my 
body and a shiver runs down my spine. The thought of his muscular body covering 
mine, moving with ever growing ecstasy flashes through my mind and I gasp. This 
desire in me burns like a fire but I know that it can never it happen. Because I don't 
love him.

I wake from a trance to realize that the water has grown cold and I wrap myself in 
my soft terry-cloth robe, blowing out the candles. As I pull the plug in the bathtub the 
phone rings and soon Mulder's voice fills the room. He's telling me something about a 
case, an UFO sighting and I am frozen. I can't speak to him just now. Mulder. My 
partner. My friend. I don't even remember when I fell in love with him, but I 
remember clearly when the bubble burst and I started loosing my faith in him. It was 
when she came back into his life. Diana. We have been at odds with each other...so 
much that I didn't believe him when he told me he loved me. I blamed it on the drugs. 
And maybe this disillusionment was just as well. The Mulder I fell in love with was a 
dream. A wish. The man I love now is real and I feel his eyes watching me, whenever 
I am with him. When I turn around there is a tenderness in his gaze that I have never 
seen before. When I come to the office in the morning, he has coffee and a bagel with 
low-fat cream cheese waiting. He calls me at home on the weekends and we talk. 
About everything and nothing. Not about Diana. Not about us. About movies and 
music, the theater and places we have been to. Before the X-files. Before we met. 
Mulder, too, stirs something inside me. It is more than desire. It is a need so deep it 
scares me. It's as if my whole being longs for him. My heart, my soul, my body. I 
want to become one with him on more than a sexual level. But I also want to feel his 
hands on me, touching me, caressing me. I want to feel that full lower lip on mine, I 
want to nibble at it and run my hands through his hair. I want to touch down his long, 
lean body. I wish I could find a way to tell him, to make him see that it is not too late 
for us. The realization of these feelings have come to a shock, I never thought myself 
to be that emotional. I am used to my clear, scientific thinking. Mulder and Skinner. 
Their eyes following me, even now. Hazel and chocolate. Love and desire. So close. 
In a way I want them both, but I know I can't have that. 

As I settle back on the couch and stare into the dying flames in the fireplace I have 
made a decision. I pick up the phone and dial the number that is engraved in my 
mind. His voice sounds alert. 

"Mulder it's me....I need to see you..."

THE END