Title: Alone
Author: DanaK,  DanaK35 (DanaK35@yahoo.com) 
Archiving: Sure, as long as my name and addy stays on it.
Rating: R
Classification: S, R
Spoilers: The End
Keywords: MSR
Summary: The X-files have burned. Scully is confronts her 
own feelings and Mulder.
Feedback: Yes, at DanaK35@excite.com 

Disclaimer: 'The X-Files' and all 'The X-Files' related 
characters and situations are the intellectual property of the 
FOX network, Chris Carter, and 1013 Productions. The 
following material is not intended to infringe on the above 
copyright in any way. Which means, they aren't mine, I just 
borrowed them

Author's note: This was the first story I ever wrote, right after 
"The End", which at the time moved me deeply. I have revised 
it and am reposting it now....



Alone
by DanaK35


Dana Scully's Apartment,
Georgetown, Washington DC; 03:30 am

Later at the end of this long night, Dana Scully closed the 
door to her apartment behind her and fell on the couch in front 
of the fireplace, not even bothering to remove her soiled coat 
and jeans.

The X-files had burned to ashes, their whole office was a 
smoldering heap of debris; everything she and Mulder had 
worked, sweat and suffered for during the last five years was 
gone. Pained, she closed her eyes and grabbed the stereo 
remote "Peace and quiet, just for a few moments", she 
thought as she switched on Vivaldi's Four Seasons. But all 
that had happened in the last hours came rushing back to her 
with a vengeance. 

The rumors about the X-files being closed and then the call 
and their frantic race downtown; Mulder's face when he stared 
into the flames... unseeing; not moving at all even when she 
had put her arms around him to comfort him. His heart had 
pounded rapidly. And when Skinner rushed in a few moments 
later, still in his suit and tie, and had asked what the hell had 
been going on; Mulder had just stared at him and then left 
wordlessly. 

Scully had stayed to face the AD and she had explained as 
much as she could. Skinner had been shocked and furious, 
but then he had suddenly told her in no uncertain terms that 
the X-files were now destroyed and that she and Mulder were 
to stay away from any investigation. Scully had stared at 
him, not believing what she had heard, but then she saw the 
figure that stepped back up into the stairway, leaving a trail of 
cigarette smoke behind. Great, she had thought and 
exhaustedly bid her supervisor goodbye. 

Getting into her car Scully had wondered, where Mulder had 
gone off to. She had checked the Men's room at the FBI as 
well as the parking where he had left his car earlier and it had 
been gone. She had sighed and driven out to Alexandria... the 
exact opposite direction from her own home... but when she 
had reached her partners apartment, there had been no sign 
of him and when she had used her key, she had found the 
place empty. Worried, she had driven back home, trying to 
reach Mulder on his mobile from the car but did not succeed. 
She finally gave up, returning to her own apartment and now 
she got up from the couch and went to her bedroom, 
shedding her clothes on the way. 'Oh, Lord,' she muttered as 
she glanced at the watch at her bedside table, 3:47; after 
quickly brushing her teeth she fell into bed, physically and 
emotionally exhausted. She did not dream that night. 

The phone woke Dana Scully the next morning and she 
picked up confusedly.

"'Lo? Ah... yes, Sir, I can ... I will", it was Skinner requesting 
her presence at his office ASAP, "sure, Sir, bye!" 

She replaced the phone on its cradle and glanced at her 
watch, realizing with a start that it was already after nine 
o'clock. 'Damn and blast', she thought as she quickly jumped 
out of bed and into the shower. 


Half an hour later she grabbed her purse and keys and after 
one last look into the mirror...'You're too pale, girl' ... she left 
her apartment.

*******************************************************************

Office of the Assistant Director 
FBI Headquarters, Washington D.C., 10:28 am

When Scully entered Walter Skinners office Mulder was 
already slouched in a chair. He was still wearing his shirt and 
the jeans he had worn last night and both was stained with 
soot, he looked tired, pale and unshaven. Scully wondered 
briefly where he had spent the night, but did not say anything 
and sat down beside her partner, after Skinner had motioned 
for her to do so.

"Agents Scully and Mulder", the AD started, but Mulder 
interrupted him at once.

"I know what you are going to tell us, Sir," his hazel eyes 
sparkled, "you will tell us that this time THEY have 
succeeded and we are being taken off the X-Files, you will tell 
us that from now on we will work in different departments and 
you will also tell us... especially me... to keep from 
investigating any further in this matter!"

Scully looked at him, surprised at the sharpness in his voice. 

Skinner leaned back in his chair and his eyes wandered from 
one to the other then he started to speak again, his voice 
calm.

"Yes, Agent Mulder, that is almost what I was going to tell 
you, except that the X-Files have been closed and you will be 
reassigned to the Anti-Terror-Unit on the first of next month... 
as a team... and until then I do not want to see either one of 
you here!" he got up, "go to the beach or whatever it is that 
interests you... no Agent Mulder, that is a direct order" 

Mulder had started to protest but Skinner waved him off "is 
that clear, Agents?" 

Scully had gotten up as well and dragged Mulder with her. 
"Yes, Sir, very clear... Mulder, are you coming?" She shot 
him a glance and he got up reluctantly, following her out of 
their supervisors office. In the hallway, he slumped against 
the wall and buried his face in his hands, Scully turned 
around "Mulder? Are you OK?" 

He did not look up. "I'm OK, Scully, let it go! I knew 
something like that would happen!" His voice was strained 
and his eyes empty. "I knew someday THEY would succeed, 
they would take away everything I have worked, lived for, my 
search for the truth, for Samantha, for ... everything is gone 
now! I have lost it all; all I had was my belief in this 
conspiracy, in aliens and my sister's abduction and now it is 
gone.... burned to ashes.... I cannot believe that this is it. 
There is nothing left for me!" 

He rubbed his face and stared at her. Scully could see the 
beginning of a huge depression in his eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, Mulder," she snapped, sharper than she 
had intended, "nothing is lost, yet, they have tried to shut US 
down before ... you should go home and get some sleep!" 
she touched his arm, her voice had grown softer,"you look as 
if you have spent the night on the street ... where have you 
been?" 

"At first, I just drove around town like a madman, and then ... 
yeah then I went into the County General and sat by Diana's 
bed," he answered with a detached voice, "I just sat there, 
holding her hand and telling her about ... everything," his 
voice trailed off and Scully felt anger built up inside her again.

'Great! Our world crumbles to pieces and he visits his old 
flame', she angrily looked up at him "I see," she said icily," 
well, Mulder, than I advise you to go home freshen up and 
then bare more of your soul to your old friend Diana, because 
I AM OUT OF HERE!" With that she turned on her heel, 
stepping into the elevator and out of his sight. 

Mulder stared after her, sheepishly; he had never seen his 
cool and composed partner like that.


********************************************************************

Dana Scully's Apartment
Georgetown, Washington DC, two days later

Scully was in the kitchen making fresh coffee when a knock 
on the door startled her. "Who is it?" she moved to the door. 

"Dana, honey, it is me!" Her mother swept in and taking her 
briefly into her arms.

"Hi, Mom!" 

"Dana, darling, what on earth are you doing here?" Margaret 
Scully asked alarmed, "I called the FBI and they told me you 
were at home and so I thought you...." 

She shed her coat and followed her daughter into the small 
kitchen, where Scully was automatically adding more coffee 
and water to the machine and switching it on. She hesitated 
for a moment. 

During the last 2 days she had hidden in her apartment ... 
brooding over the last few months... no years... the X-Files 
and their destruction but most importantly about Fox Mulder 
and her reaction to his staying with Diana Fowley. She had 
realized that she had gone after him out of jealousy and that 
had shaken her to the core. She, jealous? Dr. Dana 
Katherine Scully was MUCH to controlled to give in to a 
feeling like jealousy! But he had shared his sorrow with 
Diana, not with her ... not after all they had been through 
together. 

Scully turned and looked at her mother, sighing. "I am fine, 
Mom, don't worry, but ... the X-Files have burned to ashes 2 
days ago, we will be reassigned to new teams, because we 
have been shut down!" 

She waited for a reaction, seemingly calm on the outside, but 
she could not fool her mother.

Margaret Scully sat down at the little table in her daughter's 
kitchen and motioned for Dana to join her. "Oh, Dana, but 
that's not all, is it?" She looked her straight in the eyes and 

Scully suddenly felt like a little girl again. 'Well..... yeah there 
is something else, I have had the most awful discussion... no 
fight... with Mulder outside Skinner's office", she admitted and 
suddenly felt tears rise up in her... how much more would she 
have to endure? ..."we were ... he was ... ah, well, we left 
Skinner's office and I asked him if he was OK ... he looked 
awful, mind you ...and then he just lost it and was just 
stammering how HE had lost EVERYTHING now, how THEY 
could do this to HIM, that all his hopes and beliefs had been 
in the X-files and that he had known that they would to this to 
HIM and ... oh I don't know what else!" 

Hot tears welled up now and she could feel her frustration and 
anger burning up inside her again, she looked at her mother 
who simply took her into her arms. 

"Mom, what about me?!?" she asked in between violent sobs, 
"THEY stole 3 months of my life, THEY killed my sister in my 
place, THEY gave me a unknown disease that almost killed 
me and to top it of, THEY created a child from MY ova which 
THEY had taken away from me during my abduction!! All that 
to keep Mulder from investigating, to keep him in line.... I 
have seen things that have shaken MY world and MY beliefs 
beyond endurance..." Tears where now streaming down 
Scully's face and her mother held her even closer, "but I did 
not quit, I did not give up, Lord knows I wanted to! I was 
always there for Mulder! I refused to give up on him, even 
when he himself gave up, I have suffered through his 
depressions with him, because he is not only my partner, I 
thought he was my friend ... I thought I was the only person 
he trusted and now...." 

She swallowed had and Margaret moved a stray lock of 
coppery hair out of Dana's face and once again looked into 
her daughter's eyes "What now?" 

"Now ... Mulder just left our office and went to see Diana 
Fowley at the hospital ... he spoke to her ... she is in a 
coma, but he still went to see her ... not me ... HER!" 
Quickly, she told her mother about Diana Fowley, about her 
sudden appearance during the Gibson Praise case, her 
annoying habit to intrude in their investigation and in their 
partnership, about Frohike's words that she had been 
Mulder's "Chickadee". 

Margaret looked at her daughter for a long moment, and then 
she got up and poured them both coffees, again sitting down 
across from Scully who wiped her tears away and sighed 
heavily. 

"Mom, at this moment, I realized something I did not want to 
admit to myself for a long time ... I want more than friendship 
from Mulder! And now that I know I don't want to lose him!" 

Margaret got up and wrapped her arms around her daughter 
once more and for the first time in a very long time Dana 
Scully indulged in the luxury of weeping. She wept for Emily, 
for time lost forever but most of all she wept for herself and 
her inability to express her feelings. Margaret let her and 
when Scully calmed down she looked at her again "Oh, 
honey, you took a very long time to realize that!" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Well, I have seen in coming for a while, Dana," her mother 
explained, "he has been your only friend in a while, you spent 
more time with him, than with anyone else, you DO tolerate 
his moods, his weird theories like no one else, but you also 
respect him like no one else ... and no matter what your 
brother says, Fox does deserve it ... for all his strange 
behavior he is a good man, I know that Dana!" 

"I know but... his feelings are probably not the same!" Scully 
shook her head stubbornly.

"I don't think so, honey," her mother had to laugh a little, "let 
me tell you something; something I have kept for myself for a 
while; when you were in the hospital right before your cancer 
went into remission, I went back one night, because I was 
worried sick and could not sleep, when I was at your door I 
heard that someone was crying and went in ... I thought it was 
you ...but when the light from the hallway came in I saw that 
it was Fox!" 

Scully looked up, her eyes wide.

"Yes, it was him, he was sitting beside you and wept, his 
face next to your on the pillow, mumbling something about 
everything being his fault... I left silently!" She took a sip of 
her coffee and watched her daughter expectantly. 

"I never knew...", Scully whispered. "What shall I do?" 

"That depends entirely on you, Dana! I am sure he does care 
a great deal for you, he was devastated that night; you will 
just have to deal with your own feelings and then speak to 
him. He might not have the courage to do so himself...he is 
full of pain." Margaret Scully got up and put her coat on, 
turning back to give her daughter a quick hug and kiss. 
"Everything will be OK, Dana!" With that she left the 
apartment.

Scully stared blankly at the closed door; she was confused 
and felt strangely overwhelmed and out of control... a feeling 
she was not used to at all. 

That night, she dreamed of Fox Mulder. He was holding her 
tightly and was looking at her tenderly ... she thought she 
would drown in his hazel eyes and ran her hand through his 
silky dark hair, whispering his name. He bent down to kiss 
her lightly, his full lips on her own, softly... Scully sat up 
abruptly, confused. The dream had been so real that she 
thought she could still feel his warm breath on her cheek, his 
full lips on hers. 'I must see him!' she decided and lay back 
down to get some more sleep. 

*****************************************************************

Dana Scully's Apartment 
Georgetown, Washington DC, the next day

She had been trying to reach Mulder for most of the morning, 
but he had neither answered his phone at home, nor his 
mobile, which had been switched off completely and so 
Scully and been pacing in her living room, thinking. 

It was hard for her to come to terms with her feelings for 
Mulder, it did not fit her idea of professionalism to fall in love 
with him... how utterly cliché... but nevertheless she had to 
face it, despite of that being even harder, because she had 
never fallen for someone so completely.

The longer she thought about her relationship with Fox 
Mulder the more she realized that they had already reached a 
level that none of her previous relationships had ever reached. 
Mulder knew about most of her deepest thoughts, fears and 
hopes, he understood her and shared even more of his 
emotions. In a way they were 'kindred spirits', even 'lovers', 
because except for the physical part, they already were more 
committed to each other than other couples could even be ... 
hell, thinking Kristen Pilar and Ed Jerse it seemed like they 
were bound to meet only the strangest of people and 
subsequently being unable to form a lasting bond with 
anyone else. 'Must be fate! If only I believed in fate!':

Only when the shadows were getting longer, did Scully get 
up from her couch to dial the Lone Gunmen's number. 
'Desperate times call for desperate measures,' she thought 
as she waited for someone to pick up the phone. 

It was Frohike who finally did. "Agent Scully, light of my life", 
he exclaimed happily after she had identified herself, "how 
are you doing, oh beautiful agent?" 

Scully winced inwardly but replied, "I am fine, Frohike, listen 
... I need to know where Mulder is! I do need to speak to him 
rather urgently!" 

"Oh I love you choice of words, Dana my dear, but why are 
you asking me? He is your shadow, not mine. I wonder what 
you see in him anyway ... he is rude and conceited and very 
self-conscious ... you could have ME lovely Agent Scully!" 

"FROHIKE!!" 

"Alright, alright, ... let's see, when I spoke to him last he said 
he was going to Lake Tahoe!" 

"Tahoe, are you sure?" 

"Yeah, beautiful there!" 

"Why Tahoe?" 

"I haven't got the slightest idea ... I think they used to go 
there when he was a kid or something..." 

"I thought his mother had that cottage on the Vineyard?" 
Scully wondered. 

"Yeah, she still does, but after Samantha had been taken, 
the family never went there again for their vacations, at least 
not together..." 

"Do you know where on the Lake?", Scully interrupted him. 

"Somewhere on the South End, Emerald Bay, or 
something..." 

"Thanks, Frohike, I owe you one!" 

"A kiss would do nicely, Agent Scully!" he yelled, but Scully 
had already hung up on him. 

She picked up the phone again and dialed her Mother's 
number to let her know she was going to be out of town for a 
couple of days. Just when she replaced the receiver and 
turned to her bedroom to pack, the phone rang, and she 
picked it up, hoping it would be Mulder.

"Hello?" 

"Agent Scully", the deep voice of AD Skinner, "do you know 
where Agent Mulder presently is?" He asked immediately, 
"Agent Fowley came out of her coma and wants to see him 
... and there is something else ... an OPC meeting has been 
called to investigate the circumstances of Fowley's injuries 
and also the events in your office! It is going to be an official 
hearing, Agent Scully, and also someone has warned me 
that you will be separated and sent to Field Offices. My 
request to keep you together as a team has been denied!" 

'Great', Scully thought and a chill went down her spine, but 
calmly said "Sir, Mulder is not in Washington at the moment, 
he has taken a few days off!" 

"Then go find him, Agent Scully and bring him here, for his 
own sake!" Skinner hung up and Scully went into her 
bedroom to pack.

******************************************************************

South Lake Tahoe
12 hours later

Dana Scully was driving the rented Ford Explorer on Route 89 
towards Emerald Bay, a small bay west of the town of South 
Lake Tahoe. 

That morning she had barely managed to get on a flight from 
Dulles to Tahoe and had used her FBI warrant card to pursue 
Mulder's trail from Washington to the Lake. Finally, in South 
Lake someone had confirmed that a young man who fitted 
Mulder's description had rented a cottage in Emerald Bay.

It was already getting dark when she reached the town and 
she stopped at the local convenience store to ask for 
directions to Mulder's cottage. 

An elderly woman resided behind the counter and she 
answered Scully's questions willingly with the enthusiasm of 
someone who does not see strangers every day. "Why 
certainly, young woman, a young gentleman has rented the 
Bergman's cottage for 3 days now," she recounted, 
"charming young fellow and SO handsome! He has been here 
twice to buy groceries but did not say much on both 
occasions. Seemed to be preoccupied with something!" 

'Good, at least he did not seem to attempt suicide', Scully 
thought, but smiled back at the older woman.

"Are you his wife?" 

Scully blushed "No, I am a friend... I need to speak to him 
urgently! Could you give me directions to that cottage?"

"Certainly dear, just take the 2nd street to the right, going to 
the lake, then the 3rd or 4th driveway and that should be it ... 
it is directly on the lake and has a glassed-in winter garden, 
you can't miss it!" 

Scully thanked her and followed the directions to the cottage. 
It was completely dark now but Scully could make out a two-
story cottage, made out of wood and typical for Lake Tahoe. 
Only the glass winter garden differentiated it from the others. 
Another Ford Explorer was in the driveway and she had to 
smile and their choice of vehicles, as she parked her car 
behind it. Shouldering her duffel bag she made her way to the 
front door and knocked. There was no answer and so she 
tried again, this time knocking harder. When there was still 
no answer she tried the doorknob. To her utter surprise the 
door opened and she stood in a dark hallway 

"Mulder?" She put her bag down and turned into the kitchen 
to her right. It was dark there, too, but she could hear loud 
music from the back of the house. She went through dining- 
and living room to the slightly illuminated winter garden, in 
which a warm fire glowed. Beyond the glass she could see 
the lake and beyond that lights at the other shore. 

"Mulder! It's me!" She spoke more loudly now and the music 
stopped abruptly. 

"Scully?!" Mulder emerged from an easy chair and looked at 
her in surprise. 

She stopped in her tracks. 'My god, he IS handsome', she 
thought as she noticed his bare arms, tight jeans and crisp 
white T-shirt. One lock on ungovernable dark hair hung over 
his brow and he had not shaved in a couple of days. 

"What are you doing here, Scully?" 

He came closer now and Scully could see the hurt and 
confusion in his hazel eyes and a wave of tenderness for him 
swept over her, suddenly nervous she ran her hand through 
her hair.

"Uhm ... I have been trying to reach you for days, Mulder," 
she replied, clearing her throat, "you weren't home!" 

"So?" he asked in a more aggressive tone, "can't I have a few 
days for myself? What do you want, Scully?" 

She looked at him confusedly. She had certainly expected a 
different welcome. "Skinner called me", she explained 
rapidly, struggling to regain her composure, "an OPC hearing 
has been called... we will be....", she hesitated.

"WHAT? What will we be..."? 

"Well, ... Skinner told me that we will be re-assigned to Field 
Offices this time ... we will be separated!" 

"So what, Scully!" He looked at her in the same way as 4 
days ago in front of Skinner's office and she lost her 
composure and patience altogether.

"SO WHAT? That is all you have to say?", she questioned 
him. "Alright, Mulder, so you are still wallowing in self-pity, 
are you ... I see, OK then I should just go, because I do not 
have the patience for this now!" She turned to leave.

"Scully! Calm down." He held her back, "it is late and you are 
probably exhausted! I don't really feel like fighting with you 
just now! Why don't you stay here, you won't find a hotel 
tonight, let's call it a truce right now, OK?" he smiled 
crookedly at her and took her jacket. "Come on, I show you 
to your room." He grabbed her bag of the floor in the hallway 
and confusedly she followed him up the narrow stairs... his 
sudden mood-swing had rendered her speechless.

Upstairs he opened a door and put down her baggage on a 
chair. "Here" he said still in a cool voice, "this bed has fresh 
sheets and there is a bathroom right next to this room! Food 
is in the kitchen!" With that he turned and left, leaving Scully 
staring after him sheepishly. 

'Damn! Who does he think he is?! She would certainly NOT 
just go to bed, dismissed like a sulking child. She decided on 
freshening up a bit and quickly undressed and showered. Ten 
minutes later she emerged, refreshed but no less angry and 
frustrated about the way things were going. She grabbed 
fresh underwear, jeans and soft, blue shirt and thick socks. 
Then she went down stairs, stopping in the kitchen for some 
water and deciding to get herself a glass of white wine, which 
she found in the fridge. Thus prepared she went back into the 
winter garden where Mulder was once again sitting in his 
easy chair, staring at the dark lake. 

"You know, Mulder, you can't just dismiss me!" 

Astonished he turned around and looked at her with hurt 
puppy-eyes. She almost melted at this but was too angry to 
stop now. Emotions that had been contained for too long 
were surfacing. 

"I will tell you something, Mulder, I HAVE HAD IT!" She stood 
before him, her blue eyes sparkling. "I have had it with YOU! I 
can't believe you are hiding out here, sulking about how bad 
the world is, how unfair everyone is to YOU! You are such a 
selfish bastard!" 

"Selfish bastard?" 

"Yes! You are wallowing in self-pity here and NOT ONCE 
have you asked how anybody else feels about this! HOW I 
FEEL ABOUT THIS!" Scully was pacing back and forth in 
front of the fireplace and Mulder had gotten up, staring down 
at her in disbelief. 

"My, Dr. Scully, look who is talking!" 

"NO, Mulder, I won't take this from you now, I am tired of 
being ditched by you!" She stopped and stared back at him, 
realizing that she had to look up to far and then resuming her 
pacing. "YOU once told me that to believe the truth we would 
have to live the lie! That's what I have been doing for the last 5 
years! The X-files have become my quest too, Mulder! It 
DOES bother me that all OUR work has burned to a crisp! Do 
you think I WANT to be transferred to some field office in 
God-knows-where? Do you think I like to be followed, 
harassed and almost killed over and over again because we 
came too close to finding THE TRUTH, just to be told to leave 
it alone?!" 

Mulder was still staring at her and Scully could not contain 
her amounting rage anymore. "My sister has been killed, I 
have suffered from the worst kind of cancer, a daughter I can 
never have, died, because I chose  - out of my own free will - 
to be in this with you TOGETHER because it IS my quest, 
too, because you ARE my partner, because YOU are my 
FRIEND and the only person I completely trust! And you, you 
just run off again, ditching me again to pick up the pieces, to 
deal with my own fears while you just sit with your old.... 
whatever.... to tell her your fears and concerns. I thought we 
really were in this together but now I find that I am ALONE!" 

She stopped now, tears streaming down her face, exhausted 
from her own outburst, all her energy spent. 

Mulder was just standing there, seemingly in shock, and the 
emotions mirrored. In his darkened eyes, astonishment, 
surprise, anger and... fear. 

But he just kept on staring at her and suddenly Scully's 
anger faded, making room for utter emptiness and 
exhaustion. 

"OH, just forget it, Mulder." She said and turned to leave the 
room, at the door she turned back looking at him icily, "and 
one more thing.... your friend DIANA has come out of her 
coma and wants to see you! I am leaving tomorrow morning!" 

With that she left the room and he heard to door slam shut a 
few moments later. 

Mulder sat back down, taking the wineglass she had left on 
the mantle and sipping the chilled liquid slowly. He was 
confused about his partner's outburst, but slowly his 
analytical mind started working again and for the first time in 
days he could feel the heavy veil of depression lifting. 'Oh, 
Scully,' he thought to himself 'always there to bring me back!' 

His mind was racing, in a way, she was right, he was a 
selfish bastard, he had always taken he for granted and then 
after her abduction, he had deluded himself in guilt, it was 
HIS fault that 3 months of her life had been taken away from 
her, HIS fault that her sister and daughter were dead, HIS 
fault that she had to suffer through her cancer! And he loved 
her so much, had loved her from that first case in Oregon, but 
only when she lay at Georgetown Medical, hooked up to 
machines, comatose, he had realized just how much she 
meant to him and at the same time he had decided that she 
should never know, because loving him would only do her 
more harm than good... besides, how could she ever? When 
she was struggling with the cancer only a couple of months 
earlier he had almost lost his mind of the fear of losing her. 


Tonight, she had said that she 'chose' to stay with him and 
the X-files, out of her own free will ... but could it be THAT 
easy? 

*************************************

The next morning Dana Scully woke up with a monstrous 
headache. The sun was not up yet and a glow hung over the 
lake and its morning fog. Moaning, Scully got up and decided 
to take a short dip into the... probably ice-cold... water to 
clear her head. Afterwards she would fly back to DC and 
resign from the FBI. She was tired of it and the feelings that 
had overwhelmed her during the last few days, the feelings for 
Mulder which would turn out to be counterproductive in their 
daily routine, made her stick to that decision more firmly. 

She got up and took off the jeans and shirt she was still 
wearing... my Lord, sleeping in my clothes... and slipped into 
the thick terry-cloth robe she had brought. Grabbing a towel 
she quietly sneaked downstairs.

Through the French doors of the winter garden she reached 
the small private pier to the lake. At its end she tested the 
water with her toe "Icy" and then dropped her robe. For a split 
second she was extremely aware of her naked self but no 
one was around at this time of day anyway and so Scully 
silently glided into the water. It was so cold that she held her 
breath for a moment until the tingling sensation was over and 
then she swam out into the lake with even strokes.


Mulder awoke with a start when he heard the door to the 
winter garden open and close and got up to look out the 
window. The view that offered itself to him made him gasp for 
a moment. 'Fantasy No. 15 coming true', he murmured and 
looked down where Scully was at this moment dropping her 
robe onto the pier. 

In the pale morning light her body shimmered like alabaster 
and Mulder could not do anything but watch her. She stood 
very erect, her shoulders drawn back, her head high, her fiery 
hair falling soft to her shoulders. Mulder indulged in this 
moment hoping for a split second she would turn around, 
while he admired her firm thighs and buttocks. Then she 
glided into the water and Mulder exhaled, shaking his head 
briefly as if waking from a dream. 

"Wow!" He raked his fingers through his tousled hair and 
went into the bathroom where he shaved... for the first time in 
days... and then stepped into the steaming water, thinking for 
a moment that cold water wouldn't be so bad either. As the 
hot water was streaming down his back his mind wandered 
back to Scully. 

Seeing her so completely out of her self the night before had 
shocked and surprised him but with a smirk he thought that 
she had looked very sexy with her blazing eyes and wild hair. 
He had wanted to take their relationship to a new level for a 
while, had dreamed of taking her in his arms and kissing 
those pouty lips but guilt and his own self-depreciation had 
always kept him from doing so. 'But', he argued with himself, 
'she has found you here, she came back once again!' 

On the other hand, when she had stormed out last night she 
had said she was going back to DC, probably quitting... 'So, 
then you've got nothing to lose, Mulder'. 

No, only her, his Scully, his reason to get up in the morning, 
the force that kept him going, his last thought before falling 
into a fitful sleep on his couch. Would she break his heart 
like Diana? No, if she broke his heart it would be for good. 

He had never felt for Diana what he felt for Scully; Diana.... 
his ex-partner, ex-lover, ex-whatever... another woman who 
had completely fascinated him, but in the end turned out to 
be nothing but trouble and breaking his heart in the process. 
The X-files had not been good enough for her, she had wanted 
the big career, Scully had so carelessly abandoned, and so 
she had left him... she had been gone one night when he 
came back to their apartment, all her belongings had been 
gone and only a note "Sorry" had been stuck to the 
computer. But still, the sight of her, lying there in the hospital 
bed had shocked him, but at the same time he had realized 
that there was nothing left of the old feeling for her ... only 
friendship. 

Still lost in thought Mulder absentmindedly dried his hair and 
dressed in faded jeans and a black V-neck T-shirt and then 
went down to the kitchen to make coffee, a kind of peace 
offering to Scully. He stepped into the doorway to the winter 
garden just as she was climbing the ladder at the end of the 
pier, running her hands through her wet hair. Mulder held his 
breath, taking in her flat belly and high-pointed full breasts, 
her shimmering skin, 'My God, she is beautiful' was all he 
could think before he turned and walked back into the 
kitchen, just as she put her terry cloth robe back on and 
turned to the house herself.


When Scully entered the house she saw Mulder leaning in 
the doorway to the kitchen, a loop-sided smile on his face. 
He looked fresh and strikingly handsome, bare footed in his 
jeans and T-shirt, the familiar lock of dark hair falling onto his 
brow. Scully fought the urge to push that silky lock away and 
raised one eyebrow at him instead. 

"Coffee, madam?" He asked and bowed. 

She gave him a skeptic look but followed him into the 
kitchen, where he poured coffee into 2 mugs adding milk to 
hers. "Sure, thanks." 

She took the steaming mug from him and leaned on the big 
working area in the middle of the kitchen, continuing to eye 
him skeptically, while he sipped his coffee. Neither of them 
spoke and the tension in the room became an almost 
physical thing. "I will fly back today and will put in my 
resignation" she informed him and put her mug down in the 
sink, giving him an icy look.

"Why?" 

Scully turned around and raised her eyebrows in surprise. His 
own eyes looked at her with sudden warmth, which made her 
skin crawl. 

She swallowed "Why? YOU are asking ME, why? Because I 
cannot take it anymore, Mulder, I don't want to deal with 
THEM anymore, I don't want to deal with your moods or 
Skinner's moods or my own moods anymore! I want to have 
peace, I want to...." 

Tears emerged in the corner of her blue eyes and Mulder 
quickly crossed the distance between them, taking her into 
his arms. "Mulder, I..." he sealed her mouth with a soft kiss, 
looking up into her eyes again.

She looked back into his now darkened eyes, her own 
astonished gaze dropping to his full lower lip and... kissing 
him again. He drew her closer and placed soft little kisses on 
the corners of her mouth, her cheeks, her ears, but after a 
moment their kisses grew more intense, more passionate, 
both seeking the others mouth with their own, tongues 
exploring, opening lips, drawing them even closer together. 

Like in her dream, Scully was overcome by drowning 
sensation and for a moment she hesitated, but it felt right, 
she belonged in these arms and she answered his kiss even 
more hungrily, being aware of his warm, lean body and her 
own naked one just separated by two layers of cloth. She 
wrapped her arms tightly around him and ran her hands 
through his thick hair, leaning back when he started to plant 
little kisses along her neck, down to her breasts, lighting 
small fires on her skin. She moaned quietly when she felt him 
opening the belt of her robe and sliding it of her shoulders, his 
soft mouth finding her breasts, licking ... teasing. His mouth 
on her nipple, sucking, his hand on her other breast, stroking 
the hardened nipple and then making his way down her belly, 
softly stroking her skin, murmuring incomprehensible words. 
She thought she would die of pleasure right here, right now, 
when he found her center and she could feel his probing 
tongue, suddenly deep inside her. She sucked in air sharply, 
leaning her head back, moaning deep in her throat and 
running her hands through his hair pulling him even closer. 
'Oh ... my ... god' she whispered trying to pull him up again, 
he glanced quickly at her and saw that she was leaning back 
on the work top now, her face relaxed, her eyes burning. Her 
fingers nestled with his shirt and he quickly pulled it off, 
getting rid of his jeans and shorts in the process. A look of 
surprise crossed her face when he picked her up a moment 
later, setting her down gently on the worktop. 

Taking her face in both hands he looked at her, silently, and 
the look of complete and unconditional love she could see in 
his eyes, made her smile. 

He planted a light kiss on her slightly parted lips and 
whispered "I want you Scully, now." 

"Yes... now" She pulled him to her again, kissing him 
passionately, her small hands touching him, wandering down 
his flat, muscular stomach teasing him now with her fingers 
and nails until she found his hard maleness and began 
stroking him. He moaned in her mouth his kiss becoming 
more passionate, drawing her even closer. 

"Oh, Scully, you are so beautiful..." He whispered, 'you're mine!" 

"Then take me." It was as simple as that. 

He lifted her hips and glided effortlessly into her, hearing her 
sharp intake of breath as he did so. Emotions she had never 
felt before overwhelmed her, the feeling of him insider her, a 
feeling of rightness, it was like coming home; she wrap her 
legs around him, falling into his rhythm naturally. Mulder was 
almost out of his mind with desire for her, he could feel her 
warmth surrounding him completely, her firm breast in his 
hands, her soft mouth on his.. how many times had he 
dreamed of that exact moment? 

He had never felt the closeness of a woman like that before. 
Their breath became more labored; Scully arched her back to 
meet him wanting to be even closer to him, while their rhythm 
became faster, his thrusts deeper. 'so ... good ... so 
wonderful' she murmured, feeling her inner muscles clench, 
her orgasm building deep insider her, hearing his quick breath 
at her neck and feeling his body go rigid. She cried his name 
as she came with him in an ecstatic high. Her whole body 
shivered, her breath came in short gasps, and she looked 
into his hazel eyes and saw only love and astonishment in 
them. 

"Oh my god, Mulder, I.... "

"Shhh, I know, I know" He smiled at her and held her close 
and she smiled back, the most beautiful smile he had ever 
seen and would never forget. He lifted her up and carried her 
to the wide couch in front of the fireplace, laying down beside 
her and covering them with the quilt that lay on the couches 
back. His hand slightly stroked her back as he spooned next 
to her, whispering her name and words of love. For the first 
time Scully felt that the belonged, that her whole meaning in 
life lay here, beside this man, in his arms. Nothing else 
mattered at that moment, but him and her together. She 
could have died a happy woman right now. For the first time 
in a very long time she felt really close to someone.

Later, they went upstairs and made love again, slower this 
time, their hands and mouths exploring each other and 
bringing their bodies to an ecstatic climax once again.

*************************************************************

Lake Tahoe, Two days later

They had spent the days in solitude, making love, enjoying 
each others company, enjoying the beautiful scenery but 
most of all talking.... talking about personal things, about 
things they had never spoken of before. They were finally 
getting to know each other.

Mulder was surprised at Scully for being so open to him and 
even more surprised to see her laugh. They had been 
avoiding their fight and the events that had led to it but now, 
sitting in front of the fire with a plate of crackers and cheese 
between them, music playing softly, Mulder broke that 
silence. "Why did you come here?" 

She was quiet at first, thinking, but then turned to him. "I.. I 
just... suddenly I had the feeling.... no that's not it ... I.. 
alright K the night our office burned I was looking for you, you 
were crushed, I was crushed just the same, but you weren't 
there and then I found out that you had spent the night at 
Diana's bedside and that was the final thing that got me 
thinking and... freaking out! I mean,..."

He looked at her expectantly.

"Mulder, I was pissed, I was really pissed that you did not 
come to me to talk, after all we had been through together, I 
was so angry at you and that somehow made me realize that 
you meant far more to me, I just hadn't had the courage to 
admit that to myself before ... sometimes I am not very good 
with feelings ... showing affections, well you know that, but 
anyway, I felt very lost that night, very alone. Then, after a 
conversation with my mother I decided to look for you, but 
when I got here you were so.... distant, to extremely selfish 
and patronizing again.... I had decided to quit, that morning in 
the kitchen!"

"Why?" 

"Because I did not have the strength to fight anymore, ... and 
I did not want to fight for your love either.... I mean.. you and 
Diana ... I was jealous and a bit childish, but you CAN be 
very selfish at times.....!"

"I know, you have told me before that not everything is about 
me..." He took her face in both hands and kissed her softly 
on the mouth. "You know, Scully, I am not that good at it 
either.... I have been in love with you for a long time, you were 
my reason to get up every day and to keep going, but I felt I 
could never let you know, you were always so strong, 
independent so Dr. Scully, I just did not have the nerve..... 
about Diana..." 

"You don't have to explain, you are here with me now..." 

"I want to ... no more secrets.. at least between us... I met 
Diana at some profiling job during my time at the Violent 
Crimes Section, she had just been transferred to that 
department and we became partners, lovers after a while... 
she wasn't my wife... we lived together, worked together ... I 
have always found strong women fascinating." 

Scully smiled at this.

"She was always very career-orientated but on the other hand 
she never challenged my theories, my beliefs, she just let me 
do my little thing and she did hers, we were partners but 
never like you and I, Scully, you always brought out the best 
in me, I can trust you to be my 'partner', but Diana was far 
more focused on her personal development. When I 
discovered the X-files she just left, I assume they weren't 
good enough for her, she just left.... When she appeared 
during our last case I truly was happy to see her ... and when 
I drove to the hospital that night I needed to share my grief 
with someone ...someone other than you!" 

It was her turn now to ask "Why?"

"Because of all you have been through because of me.... 
because of the X-files ... I felt I had let you down... yes I know 
there wasn't anything I could have done to prevent the fire ... 
but I still felt that way..." he pulled her on his lap and buried 
his face in the crook of her neck "seems like I am riding a 
major guilt-trip here" he whispered, then "I am so sorry ... I 
am sorry you had to go through all that ... I know it is not my 
fault but still ... Melissa, Emily .... it would not have 
happened if you had never worked on the X-files.... I am sorry, 
Scully!" 

"It is OK, Mulder," she replied softly "true, I did lose a lot.. 
hell I almost lost myself sometime ... but I have also found 
something ... I found you, my kindred spirit, my lover and my 
best friend!" 

They shared a long kiss, then Mulder got up to get them 
some wine. "Why did we wait so long, Scully?"

"We thought we were close, but yet we were far away from 
each other!"


END