TITLE: A Normal Life - What is this love II AUTHOR: DanaK35 E-MAIL ADDRESS or DanaK35@yahoo.com WEBSITE: http://danak35.tripod.com DISTRIBUTION: OK as long as my info stays on it. SPOILER WARNING: Season 7 from Brand X, some Season 8 / I have ignored the timeline and ignored most of Season 8+9 ? for the sake of this story. RATING: R CLASSIFICATION: S, R, A KEYWORDS: Sk/other, Sk/S friendship SUMMARY: He was everything she'd dreamed of, but was he ready for a normal life and was she ready to share him with his job? Or another woman? DISCLAIMER: 'The X-Files' and all 'The X-Files' related characters and situations are the intellectual property of the Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and the FOX network. The following material is not intended to infringe on the above copyright in any way. Which means, they aren't mine, I just borrowed them, so please don't sue, I don't have anything... Kate is my own invention and if you like her and want to borrow her, let me know. Author's notes: I wrote "What is this love" with an un-happy ending on purpose, because it fit the mood of the story so much better than a happy one. Still, I came to really like Kate, and I received some feedback about how she could be someone's best friend. I feel the same about her and I just don't want to leave the universe I have created for her and Skinner. A Normal Life - What is this love II by DanaK35 FBI Headquarters Saturday, 15:15 pm Assistant Director Skinner slammed down the phone and stood up from behind his desk. It had been a long, stressful beginning to what was bound to become a shitty weekend. "Kimberly, I'll be out for a few hours. Have them bring my luggage to the airport will you?" His secretary looked up. "Sure, Sir, you won't be back?" "I've got to fly to Winston-Salem this evening for that interview, ?" Only then did he notice that she had been here since 6 this morning as well, on a Saturday. "And Kimberly, go home and take Monday off; I am sorry about dragging you down here on your weekend. Grabbing his coat and laptop and waving her goodbye he left the office. It was raining outside and there was a general gloominess, casting a yellowish light on the city. Skinner took off his glasses and stood in the rain outside the FBI building for a moment. Restless unwilling to go back to his empty apartment he stood in the rain irresolutely, when he spotted the neon sign of a popular coffee bar down the street and decided to go there. Coffee and a room full of strangers would suit him just fine. ******* "OK, Lea, if you are sure, I'll be off?" Kate Maguire grabbed her coat and a new book, looking at her friend questioningly. "Go! Please, you're exhausted and I can manage here. This place will survive without you for one afternoon?" She nodded and waved as she closed the door their soon- to-open bookshop behind her. Their own bookshop. At last. They had worked day and night, first at the concepts, then in the shop itself, finally quitting their 'steady' jobs last week. "Grand Opening" would be next Sunday. Smiling, she opened my umbrella and walked quickly to the metro. **************** Walter Skinner glanced at the unfamiliar surroundings of the busy coffee shop. He usually didn't go for places like that, he preferred straight black coffee, no fuss, no noisy strangers, but today this seemed as good a place as any to kill a few hours in anonymity. Once he'd received his order ? in a porcelain mug, not one of the paper ones he hated ? he looked around for a place to sit. There was nothing, except one chair opposite a huge overstuffed sofa, where a young woman sat reading. She seemed so completely absorbed in her book that Skinner decided that here he would be safe from any chatter. "Excuse me, is this chair taken?" Kate looked up ? startled- at the sound of a deep voice beside her, having been completely occupied with her novel. She nodded numbly, unable to utter a word. Her first thought was how utterly out of place this man seemed among all the casually dressed Saturday afternoon shoppers, in his dark, severely-cut suit and with his briefcase and porcelain cup. Then she noticed his muscular built and strong hands, and her second thought was how handsome he was, ignoring his baldness and the obvious age difference. Not that she minded? He was trying to find a space on the small table, among her phone, cigarettes and oversized coffee cup. She cleared her throat. "Here, let me move this," she muttered, suddenly feeling like a teenager, that was caught in her messy room. "Thanks." He looked up and something of a smile touched his lips. Just listening to his hoarse voice sent a shiver down her spine. Trying not to stare too hard at his sensual mouth, she grabbed her stuff and shoved it into a large bag, leaving only the oversized cup on the small table. He didn't break his gaze however. Suddenly her green eyes were dancing with his dark ones and her heart started to beat madly. The noise around them seemed to fade and all the people didn't matter anymore. It was just her and him, suspended in time. Then his mobile phone chirped and the moment was gone. Kate sat back on the couch, picking up her book once again, but somehow the letters didn't make sense anymore. She felt hot, exhausted and a bit confused by this brief yet strange encounter. It had been long since a man had made this kind of impression on her. Too long. He spoke briefly into his mobile, then snapped the phone shut and placed it next to his coffee. It immediately rang again and when he picked up again, his voice was angered. "Skinner! No? I did not get that, yes I know? OK, yes I'll be there, who cares what day it is? yeah, OK." He hung up again muttering a curse. "You should just switch it off, you know," the words had come out, before she'd even thought about it. "Excuse me?" "It is the weekend after all? you should switch off your phone and just leave the big deal or whatever until Monday?" He shot her an irritated glance and for a brief moment she worried that she'd gone to far. But then he smiled. And his dark eyes lit up again. "You are probably right," he answered, "but there are things that cannot be put off." He stood then, removing his heavy coat and suit jacket, revealing even more muscular arms and a broad chest. 'To be held by these arms, to place my head on that chest, just for a moment'. The thought shot unbidden through her brain and she felt herself blushing violently. She cleared her throat again. "So what is it you do, that is so important you cannot even enjoy your weekend?" For a moment she thought he would just turn away but then he sat back down again and took a sip of his coffee. "I am with the FBI." "Oh." Was all she could answer. That certainly explained a lot. She turned back to her book, feeling stupid. Skinner didn't know whether he had a genuine interest in her or if he was just being polite when he asked. "And what is it you do?" She hadn?t expected an answer. "I am soon going to be proud owner of my own bookstore. This is my first Saturday off in weeks and I plan to enjoy every second of it. It's probably also my last." He snorted a laugh, as if he didn't believe that enjoying ones day could be something that could be accomplished, and picked up his file again. "You should try it someday." She shot him a glance, one eyebrow raised, a smile on her face, not wanting to break the contact just yet. 'This woman doesn't let go,' he thought but then he smiled broadly when he noticed the teasing sparkle in her green eyes. "Maybe I should." He closed the folder and stuffed it back into his briefcase. "Walter Skinner." He extended his large hand and when Kate took it she felt the warmth surging through her own icy cold one. She smiled broadly as she introduced herself. They ended up spending half the afternoon talking. He sat back in the overstuffed chair and as he loosened his tie, he himself seemed to loosen up as well. They talked about their jobs (hers more than his), about the book she was reading, about music and concerts and how hard it was to find some free time nowadays. It was easy like that. ********************** Skinner sat back and loosened his tie, listening to her telling him about the bookshop she'd soon open with her friend Lea, enjoying her animated speech and the way her curly, dark red hair fell into her eyes. Later, when the street lamps had come on and the rain outside had turned into light drizzle, he got up. "I am sorry, I have to leave. Got a plane to catch." Kate was stunned for a second. So this was it. 'Oh what did you expect?' "Sure? can't keep the FBI waiting? Hey, you know where to find me, if you'd like to talk again." I was surprised at my own boldness. "Sure." "I am sorry," he said, noticing her bewilderment, "it is a case I have to work on. It was nice meeting you Kate. Very nice." He shrugged into his coat and picked up his briefcase. She was sure she'd never see him again. ***************** Sunday morning One week later "I am telling you, Lea, this man is driving me crazy." Kate had arranged the last set of books and was now straightening the flowers on the counter. "How can he drive you crazy, when you have seen him all but once?" Ever-sensible Lea asked. "That is just it ? I cannot get him out of my head. You should have seen him, those eyes and that mouth, oh, I am telling you, he could have been just what the doctor ordered?" Truth was, she hadn't slept in 4 days, she kept seeing his face and hearing his voice whispering sweet nothings in her ear and woke up several times a night, heart racing. "Sure, Kate, then why didn't you just ring the FBI up and ask for him there?" She looked at her incredulously. "I can't just call the FBI ? what would I say?" "I don't know, but if this G-Man is really that hot, Kate, then it's probably worth a try, but you know what, we cannot deal with this now, we are opening our shop in exactly five minutes." She shook her head at her friend's logic. Lea was right of course, there were more important things to do. Going went back to stacking even more books, she hoped to forget those dark eyes if only for a while. ***************** FBI Headquarters Sunday Walter Skinner closed the file he had been reading and took of his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. The case didn't go well and he'd been down to Winston- Salem twice already, to convince the only witness to testify against his employer. Fat chance of that happening. Furthermore, Mulder was behaving erratically even towards Scully and he hadn't seen or heard anything from both of his agents, which worried him more than he liked to admit. Until now, at least Scully had always been reliable. Putting his glasses back on he decided to leave the case, Mulder and even Scully behind him and go home or better yet go somewhere, where he didn't have to think about his agents or the case or anything FBI related at all. He wondered what he was doing at the office on a Sunday and then out of nowhere he remembered Kate Maguire and her insistence on having a good time. He hadn't thought about her since, but as he passed the "Starbucks" in his car, the memory of their afternoon came back. It had been nice to talk to someone as fresh and open as Kate. Someone who lived in a completely different world, a world, where conspiracies and murder and distrust didn't play any role. He stopped in front of the coffee shop, oblivious of the no parking zone and went in, looking around for a sign of her. She wasn't there. Scolding himself at his disappointment he walked back to his car to drive home after all, then found himself on his way to Georgetown. Of course, her bookshop would be opening today. Time to get some champagne. ****************** Lea and Kate were so busy they did not know where to turn first. Never had they expected to attract such a crowd. Kate was busy helping a couple of computer engineering students with their books, when Lea came over, tugging at her sleeve. She grinned, "I would say G-Man has just arrived." Kate almost dropped the book she was showing to one of the guys, when she recognized him. He had just entered the shop, scanning the room with a concentrated glance until he spotted Kate. There it was again, that hint of a smile that barely touched his face, but made his dark eyes smolder. Lea took the over the book and the students as Kate mumbled a hasty 'Excuse me' and made her way through the crowd to greet him. ********* Skinner entered the crowded bookstore. The place was packed and as he looked around for a sign of Kate, he was surprised at how much he liked the place instantly. He had expected a small, dimly lit student haunt but instead the shops' walls were painted a bright yellow, with birch wood shelves, dark parquet floors and deep red velvet couches and chairs. The walls were decorated with what seemed original paintings from an artist he didn't recognize and a counter separated the public area from the office space. Behind this counter stood a tall young woman, her black hair fixed in an unruly ponytail, clad in jeans and wearing a bright smile when he entered. Before he could try to approach her through the sheer masses of customers she disappeared. He stood in the doorway, trying to decide whether to stay or leave after all, when he saw her approaching from the far end of the shop. Her radiant smile seemed to brighten the room and as she came towards him, he thought of how he hadn't noticed before how beautiful she really was. Her dark red pixie-cut accentuated her pale face with high cheekbones and sparkling green eyes. She was wearing a black velvet dress, a huge violet scarf and flat shoes. "Mr. Skinner!" she exclaimed, "how nice of you to grace our humble business with your presence." She stopped short of embracing him, taking an embarrassed step backwards. He extended his hand. "Hi Kate. There is absolutely nothing humble about this place," he said grinning. She smiled back. "Isn't it great? I'd never thought we'd attract such a crowd." He reached into the bag he was carrying and handed her a bottle of champagne. "Here? this is supposed to be a congratulations present, but I can see you are busy?" She turned back to the crowd once more, shrugging. "Thanks, Walter, I wish I could open it with you, but?" He held up one hand and gave her the bottle. "Don't worry, I stopped here to congratulate you, not to keep you from working?" He stared at her hard and once again her heart starting jumping madly in her chest. "We'll close at 5 today?" she said, looking up at him inquiringly. He regarded her for a long moment. "OK then, why don't I go on ahead to the coffee place and you can join me later," he suggested. "If you make it, fine, if not ? I try not to take it too personally." He couldn't believe he had said that. He sounded almost like a normal man, trying to fix a date with a beautiful woman. "It's a deal!" She smiled her dazzling smile again Before he could say anymore she turned back to her customers, leaving him standing in the doorway. *************** He was sitting on the same sofa, when she entered the coffee shop, shortly after six, noticing that he'd taken the time to change from his severe business suit into jeans and a black polo shirt. It suited him very well and emphasized his broad shoulders and lean hips. "Hey! Sorry I am late." She said as she dropped her bag next to him. He looked up, trying not to show how relieved he was that she'd indeed shown up. For the last half hour he had felt like a fool, sitting there with his coffee and paper, waiting for a woman he barely knew. Yet, wasn't this what people did, when they tried to get to know someone? He couldn't remember. "Hi, busy afternoon, was it?" He asked and when she nodded. "Can I get you a coffee?" "No, looking at you, you'd get me plain black coffee?" Before he could reply, she was up again striding to the counter to place her order. "What is that?" He asked when she came back with a large glass of what looked like brown slush. "It's Chai tea latte." She said, "wanna try?" His skeptic face made her laugh but he bent over the straw obediently, taking a careful sip. "Ughh, how can you drink that?" His face screwed up in disgust. "Anyway, how was the big opening day?" As she talked animatedly about her bookstore, the first customers, her friend Lea and how great everything was, he couldn't help but notice how there seemed to be a glow coming from within her. He wondered, what it was with her that made him want to be a different ma. Around her, he wanted to be carefree and funny, to laugh out loud and leave all the horrors of his job behind him. She made him yearn for the young man he used to be. "...and you haven't heard a word of what I was just saying?" Kate said, still smiling. "Sorry. I? " "Stress?" "I suppose? I am not very good at leaving my job behind." Skinner said, apologetically. "Oh I understand, what is it you do at the FBI, if I may ask?" "I am an Assistant Director." "Wow!" The conversation went easily from there. He told her a little bit about his work ? not too much mind you ? and she listened with rapt attention. Only when she stifled a yawn, did the notice the time. "You're tired," Skinner said, "I should take you home!" "I'm sorry," Kate replied, not wanting the evening to end for fear that it would not be repeated. "It was a long day." He got up, shrugged into his leather jacket and helped her into her black wool coat. She relished the feel of his hands on her shoulder. "No need to take me, I took the car!" She informed him, wishing she hadn't. He nodded, his eyes clouding for just a moment, as he opened the door for her. They stood awkwardly on the pavement. Skinner thought of something to say, but the words seemed to have escaped him. They walked silently to her car, a bright green German convertible. "Look," Kate said, almost shyly. "I'll be off next Saturday afternoon." He nodded, relieved of her speaking first. He was so not good at this. "OK, take care!" Without another word, he turned, feeling suddenly foolish. Kate looked after him until he turned the corner to the FBI garage. ******************** The week was a blur of getting up, getting to work, dealing with customers and falling into bed bone-tired. Kate thought she had never worked so hard in her life. She had traded Friday night for Saturday afternoon with Lea and was glad when she could escape the buzz of the shop. "Have fun, will you?" Lea laughed as Kate hastily grabbed her bag and coat, smiling like the Cheshire cat. "And Kate, take it easy." Lea knew only too well, how involved Kate could get. ******************** Kate was surprised to see him sitting in "their" usual spot at the coffee house and he got up before she could take her coat off. "Let's take a walk", he said, putting his coat back on "I've ordered you a Chai latte to go." She had to smile at this, feeling flattered. It was a beautiful day and people were milling on the streets to get the most of the sunshine. They walked aimlessly around Georgetown, chatting away, conversation flowing as easily as ever. When it got dark they entered the first restaurant they passed, which turned out to be a Turkish place. Kate found out that he was 16 years older than her, that he had been in Vietnam and that he'd made it to the top of the FBI fast until a few wrong political moves had stopped that career. "Do you mind?" she asked carefully. He shrugged, his dark eyes clouding over for a moment. "Not really, I have seen things that made me stop believing in politics. He didn't tell her anymore and was saved by their food arriving. The evening turned out to be a joyful affair, they were welcomed like family members, when the cook came out to ask them how they'd liked everything and upon their assurance that everything had indeed been wonderful, the staff brought out Raki, a Turkish anise liquor, mixed with water. After Turkish coffee and yet more Raki they left the restaurant around midnight, laughing. "That was quite a place," Skinner said, a full smile on his face now. 'He should smile more often', Kate thought, 'it makes his eyes light up.' He walked Kate home, seeing as none of them could drive anymore and when they said goodbye he kissed her for the first time. The sensation of his lips on her own, softly caressing and exploring, sent shivers down Kate's spine. Being held by him felt just as she had imagined, safe and warm and incredibly sexy. She could feel his heart beating almost as fast as her own. She wanted to ask him in, ask him to stay the night. She didn't. She couldn't. When he left, she wished she had had the courage. That night Kate dreamt of him for the first time and in the morning she could almost feel him lying next to her, still part of her dream. She knew then that he could become the love of her life. That he had the power to break her heart. ****************************************************** Skinner let go of Kate and watched her make her way up the steps to her building, a radiant smile on her face. It had been an impulse, turning her to him and kissing her, slowly first, but growing more hungry and intense. When he'd broke their connection he wondered briefly, if she would ask him in, but decided quickly that that wouldn't happen. He didn?t know if he wanted to get involved, there were other things on his mind, other worries, the fact that his life was so hard to share. However, since he'd met her, he felt the longing for "normality", a new life, away from conspiracies and murder and his constant entanglement in Mulder and Scully's life. Especially in Scully's ? it had become infinitely hard to watch her and Mulder getting closer and closer. He shook his head impatiently; he wouldn't go down this road now. Maybe he should just get his act together and Casting a last glance at Kate's closed door, he turned and walked back to the main road to catch a cab home. ****************************************************** Bookends-Bookstore Georgetown Tuesday morning, one week later Kate unlocked the front door and stepped into the quiet store. She cherished those quiet mornings when nobody was there yet and it was just her and the books. She opened the blinds and switched on the electric kettle and the stereo. Alanis Morissette blared from the speakers and Kate sang along while she straightened books and threw away old newspapers. Anything so as not to think of him and of the fact that she hadn't heard from him in over a week. Nothing since their dinner? and their kiss. She wondered what it was that he did on Sundays and why he never called her, even though she had given him her card with both the shop's number and her mobile phone. He in turn, had not given out his numbers. "Hey! You're in early", Lea's cheerful voice interrupted Kate's gloomy musings. She turned to her friend and had to smile. As always, Lea was dressed wildly in an acid green hippie top and purple Indian skirt, her unruly hair held back from her phase in a haphazard ponytail. "Couldn't sleep" Kate turned away, so her friend wouldn't see the hurt expression on her face. "Kate!" Lea switched off the music and the room suddenly seemed much to quiet, "talk to me! What is it, is it that guy, the FBI guy?" Kate turned and her green eyes were swimming in tears. "I don't know Lea, this guy is really getting to me, I cannot stop thinking of him?" Wordlessly, Lea wrapped her arms around her friend. Kate had always been emotional and giving, but easily become infatuated with a man, only to be brought back to reality rather brutally, when it turned out the guy was either not at all interested in her and just wanted friendship or when it turned out that the guys just took whatever kindness Kate had to offer and then left her feeling used and deflated. "Are you sure you're not just infatuated with this guy???" "No ? there is something between us? oh I don't know!" Kate ran her hands through her short hair impatiently and turned away. "If you say so?" Lea knew she wouldn't be able to protect Kate from her own feelings. *********************************************** Kate was lounging on her favorite armchair, dressed in a comfortable shirt and sweatpants, a glass of white wine next to her, a book in her hand when her doorbell rang on Thursday night. She glanced at the clock on the DVD player in surprise not having expected anybody at this hour. Least of all him. But there he was, as always in a dark suit, his eyes almost black in the moonlight. "Can I come in?" Wordlessly she stepped to the side, only briefly looking down at herself and worrying about her outfit. Closing the front door and turning to say something irrelevant to him she found herself being wrapped firmly in his arms. Then he was kissing her, his hands gliding underneath her shirt and up her back hungrily. She couldn't speak, she couldn't even move. The world around here ceased to exist, as his kisses grew more intense and her own bolder. How she had wanted him all these weeks and now he was hers, she was free to loosen his tie and rip off the buttons of his shirt, her hands and lips exploring every inch of his body. They never made it to the bedroom. Their lovemaking was hard, fast and almost furious. Taking possession of the other and satisfying ones own need was all that mattered. Later he picked her up off the floor and gently placed her on her overlarge, burgundy velvet couch. "Don't go!" she murmured. "I'm not!" He said and turned down the lights. "I'll be right back." Kate heard him get up in the dark and search through his clothes until he found his mobile phone. The short "beep" sounded and then his voice: "It's Skinner, how is he?" His voice was strained. "Yeah, no? Dana? Agent Scully, listen, there is nothing you could have done? you didn't know. Get some sleep, I'll be there tomorrow, no... that's an order, yes good night." "Everything OK?" Skinner looked down at Kate thoughtfully before lying down behind her and wrapping his arms around her on the couch, drawing a fleece blanket over them. She could feel the hard muscles of his chest against her back, his breath in her ear. "No, it's not OK? it's?" He hesitated, and she could almost feel his reluctance to trust her. "One of my agents got? poisoned I guess and he is in very grave condition. That was his partner I just spoke with." That's how Kate came to hear of Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully for the first time. They seemed to be a great team, his friends but troublemakers. This time, Fox Mulder had been on an assignment with Walter and had been gravely injured. His partner, Agent Dana Scully, was a Medical doctor and was trying everything to safe him. They were rumored to be totally devoted to their work? and to each other. 'Lucky them" Kate thought as she listened patiently as Walter almost rambled on, about how this was always happening and how he couldn't protect them forever, how he couldn?t protect them from themselves. Much later, they went up to her bedroom. This time their lovemaking was slow, an exploration of the other, all languid and soft. Kate wished they could have stayed like this forever. That night, she slept without waking for the first time in weeks. *********************************************** After that night, they saw each other more often; almost as if turning into a normal couple, meeting for coffee or dinner, going to museums and the opera, spending the nights in each other's arms. One night, Kate was standing in her kitchen, cutting vegetables for a lasagna, her phone rang. "Hello?" "It's me ? what are you doing?" She was delighted to hear from him in the middle of the week. "Cooking, why??" Skinner hesitated. "Well ? I was going to ask you to come to my place?" Kate was stunned ? that was an absolute first, she had never even been to his place, they usually went out to dinner or something else and ended up at her place. "Why don?t I bring the stuff here? I was going to have Lasagna but it'll stretch". He could hear the smile in her voice. "Sure, if you are driving, park it the garage, I have an extra space." "Sure, see you soon!" *********************************** Walter Skinner's Apartment Viva Towers, Crystal City, VA Later that night Kate drove up to the 17th floor of the starkly modern glass tower that housed Walter Skinner's apartment. She wasn't surprised it was kind of like she had expected it to be. Cool and straightforward. He opened the door on her second knock. "Hi," she said, a smile spreading over her face, happy just to be with him again. "Come in." He answered, rather too cool and host-like. He was still not sure what had driven him to invite her. Skinner was an intensely private person and the relationship with Kate, brought on doubts he'd never had before. In his youth, he'd had some casual affairs until he married Sharon. They'd been married for 17 years and he had been unfaithful to her, but that had not involved any skills in building a relationship to somebody, not really. Now he was confronted with a woman, a much younger woman who was the contradiction of everything his life involved, everything his life had become since his involvement in the X-Files and Sharon's death. Kate was 31, he was nearing 47. Kate was open, spirited and very emotional, while he didn't let anyone close and considered silence to be strength. Kate gave him all her heart and shared everything, while he wasn't sure how much of himself he could give and couldn't share most of his life with her. He had considered to either take the relationship to the next level or finish it, but it seemed to him that the only remainder of sanity in his life was Kate at the moment, hence the invitation tonight. Kate slung her arms around him and relished the feeling of his arms around her, taking no notice of his cool demeanor, chatting away while she followed him to the kitchen. "Oh dear, all this for a man who hardly ever eats at home?" She said, when she noticed the spacious open kitchen, complete with gleaming surfaces, double fridge and breakfast bar, that opened to a even more spacious dining area with a massive oak table and six chairs. To the right, the living room opened, it too spacious, with hard wood floors and dark gray furniture, fireplace and modern hi-fi equipment complete with big screen flat TV. "Well ? I have no idea if you even eat vegetable lasagna but that is what I was going to have and unless you want to order in or go out after all, this is going to be it," Kate said cheerfully as she unpacked the ? now cut-up ? vegetables, cheese and herbs. Skinner cleared his throat and took 2 bottles of beer out of the fridge. "No, that is absolutely fine, can't wait to see you cook." He said jokingly. She stuck her tongue out and rummaged in the cupboards until she found a casserole and olive oil, noticing, that the oil was a very good quality one. While she chopped onions and garlic she chatted away about her day, the customers at the bookshop and the fact that she had given up evening classes because the shop was always so busy. Guiltily he realized that he hadn't even known about her evening studies. "Do you think that is wise?" He asked non-comittically. "Well ? I didn't really need it ? I have a degree already so?" She finished her preparations and popped the lasagna and some garlic bread into the oven. "OK ? you can give me the grand tour now." She said and followed him upstairs. "You have way to much space for just one person" She said after he had shown her the upstairs bedroom, bathrooms, office and guest room. She was leaning in the door to the guestroom and Skinner noticed just how alive and pretty she was. He suddenly felt he could never let her go and crossed the landing with one step to take her in his arms and kissing her passionately. Skinner swept Kate up with one fluent motion and she kissed him, pushing his shirt up his chest and struggling out of her own. Jeans followed as they hungrily explored each other's bodies with hands and tongues. He unhooked her white lace bra and gently cupped her full breasts, stroking the nipple with his thumb. Her hands caressed his back, his midriff and wandered down to the edge of his boxers, tracing the line with one finger. She heard his sharp intake of breath and slipped out of her panties, freeing him of his shorts as well. The light of the moon shimmered on her ivory skin and he looked down at her for a moment. "You are so beautiful..." he whispered. She placed little kisses along his chest, tracing a line down to his arousal, touching him, tasting him, hearing his moans. His hands found her center and stroked her gently, drawing circles, entering the wet folds with two fingers. She arched back. She didn't want to be seduced. Didn't want to be patient. She wanted him. Now. "I want you" her voice was husky. With one quick movement he lifted her up against the wall and she could feel his erection pressing against her. Wrapping her legs around his hips she sank onto him. He inhaled sharply and guided their movements with his hands placed on her buttocks. Their lovemaking was fierce, hungry. She could feel her climax building up within and threw her head back, her breath escaping in gasps. She could feel him inside her, filling her completely, his movements, his hands, his hoarse whispering increasing her lust until her world seemed to explode around her. His thrusts became more forceful and he reached his climax with a low moan. He shuddered and his head sank against her shoulder, his lips finding their way along her neck until they reached her mouth, warm, tender, slightly salty. His kiss was infinitely tender and soft. They stayed like this, just kissing and stroking until a shrill beep brought them back to the real world. "Dinner?" she whispered with a mischievous grin as he set her down. "I'll switch it off." Before he could stop her, Kate ran down the stairs stark naked to switch off the oven's timer and was back just a moment later. "It needs to set anyway?" She said as she followed him into the shower. Later, after the lasagna had been eaten, they settled down in front of the fire, with a bottle of wine and talked until Kate fell asleep, her head on his chest. As he watched her sleeping face, scrubbed free of all make-up, her short hair all over the place he felt a warm wave of tenderness sweep over him "You are my sanity." He whispered as he settled himself behind her, wrapping his arms around her sleeping from. *********************************************** 4 days later On the evening, Walter Skinner found out about his two agents affair, he was furious, hurt and confused. He had harbored a longstanding hope that Scully might one day return too him but the confirmation of what he had feared about her and Mulder had crushed that hope and he didn't know how to deal with his anger. He called Kate, hoping that her joyful voice would soothe his soul but instead of talking to her he just ranted on about how stupid they could get, getting involved with each other, on top of everything else, about procedure and the "office of professional conduct". When Kate asked him "Why the hell do you bother?? From what I heard from you so far, this does not exactly come as a surprise?" he slammed down the phone, furious at her as well for stating the obvious. Later on in the darkness and emptiness of his own apartment, Skinner felt like shit for treating Kate that way. All she ever did was being there for him and she couldn't know about his feelings for Scully nor should she suffer in any way. With a start, Skinner realized that his emotional involvement ? however one-sided it was ? with Dana Scully, prevented him from giving himself to Kate any more than he did now. *********************************************** Kate slammed down the phone. How could he? Who did he think she was? His personal therapist? She sat down on the couch and covered her face with her hands, wondering were this whole thing was going. She could detect traces of her usual behavior patterns in her relationship with Walter Skinner. She was always there for him, grateful for his attention, grateful for his mere presence and although the time she spent with him was always great and they connected on a certain level, it was always him calling the shots. They met on his schedule, at her place or in restaurants and although the also saw each other during the week now; she still didn't know what he did on Sundays. Even if they spent Saturday night together, he always left on Sunday morning. Kate suspected he just needed time for himself but she didn't KNOW and it drove her crazy. Sighing she got up to fix herself some dinner, when the phone rang again. "Hello?" "It's me." His voice sounded hoarse. She closed her eyes. "Yes, what is it?" Skinner was quiet but she could hear him breathing. "Listen, Walter?." "Let's go away for the weekend," he said, before she could continue. "O.. ok, sure," she stammered. "I'll call you tomorrow, sleep tight, Kate." "You too? I miss you!" But he had already hung up. Kate stared forlornly at the wall and then slowly put the phone down. ************************************************* Tuesday Their trip was to be to the North Carolina coast. Three days of doing nothing but taking walks on the beach, boat trips and making love. Then ? two days before ? Skinner called and cancelled unexpectedly. "What's happened?" Kate was more concerned than anything else, when she heard the sound of his voice. "I am so sorry, Kate, I have to go to Oregon." "Don't worry ? we'll postpone it." "I'll call you when I get back." ************************************************* Sunday/Monday morning When Kate got in from an afternoon with Lea on Sunday night, there was a message on her answering machine. "Meet me at my place tonight. I am on my way back. There is a key for you with the doorman." She never knew all the details about what happened in Oregon but it changed him. When Skinner finally got home it was already early Monday morning. Kate had been asleep on his couch in front of a dying fire when she heard a key turning. He didn't turn the lights on in the living room but she could hear him in the kitchen, pouring himself a drink. Kate got up and went to him, only to find him standing at the counter, clutching a glass of what looked like whiskey, shaking. And crying. Silently, she wrapped her arms around him, stroking his back gently, muttering words that made no sense, and trying to understand what he was saying. "I've lost him, I couldn't do anything? she put her faith in me and I disappointed her?" he kept muttering over and over and over. Kate gently led him to his bedroom and made him change out of his jeans and into a pair of sweatpants. She could only guess he was talking about Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. After a while he fell into a fitful sleep and when Kate woke at 7 to get ready for work, he was already gone. "Meet me at "Da Franco's" at 8 p.m. tomorrow" said the note on the fridge. ************************************************* The popular Italian restaurant was already packed when Kate got there and was seated in a booth. There was no sign of Walter Skinner. When he did come in, he looked even worse than two nights ago. "She is pregnant." He said when he said down, taking a sip from Kate's red wine. "What?" "Scully.. she is pregnant." Kate looked at him questioningly almost expecting him to confess that he was the father of the baby. "She is pregnant and I have lost him? I have lost Mulder and now?" Mulder had been kidnapped in Oregon while on another assignment with Walter. Scully, who'd had to resign from exactly this assignment, was pregnant, obviously by her partner and somehow Skinner felt responsible. For what exactly, Kate didn?t understand but a cold feeling gripped her. "You are not responsible, don't blame yourself ? they are adults?" she tried to reassure him but he just waved her off. After all, what did she know? Suddenly, Kate felt lonely in a room full of people. ************************************************* Soon, the worry about Fox Mulder and Dana Scully became all-consuming. Skinner couldn't think about anything else and since he was an intensely private person, his worry showed only in his mood, which Kate had to bear whenever they saw each other. He craved her being there, but when she was, he was miles away. Skinner spoke to Scully almost every night, reassuring her that he would find the missing Mulder. His voice would become gentle and soothing, and Kate's heart ached until she wanted to scream. ************************************************* Bookends Bookstore A few weeks later Wednesday, 8 am The first thing Lea noticed when she unlocked the shop's front door, was that the light in their office was still on. "Hello?" she asked cautiously, then she saw Kate's bag on the counter. "Kate?" "Yeah ? in here?" Lea opened the door to the office all the way and stopped in her tracks. Kate looked awful, her short hair was standing on end and her green eyes had a haunted look about her. "What's wrong?" "He is gone?" Kate's voice was only a whisper "What? Where? What happened?" Lea knelt down beside her friend. "He is gone. He went to Arizona, to help Scully, to find Mulder? I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks now?" "But why?" "I don't know, his mobile has been switched of since he left, his office won't tell me anything? I don't know what to do." Lea stood up and pulled Kate to her feet, putting her hands on Kate's shoulder. "There is nothing to be done, Kate, stop this, you are driving yourself crazy.' Kate started sobbing. She shook her head. "No ? I?" "Yes ? listen to me? I know you are in love with this guy but you know nothing of him! He cannot tell you about his job, you hardly know anything personal about him, he is involved with this couple and he isn't telling you how, he shows up in your life whenever he pleases and leaves you outside alone whenever he pleases. He is taking EVERYTHING from you and giving you nothing, Kate!" Kate sniffed and wiped her eyes on the sleeves of her shirt, looking up at her friend with red-rimmed eyes, still choking back the tears. "I know all that Lea, but I cannot stop thinking about him, I KNOW that we could be something special, if he'd only let me?" Lea sighed. "That is the point, Kate, if he'd only let you, you will not change this man, he is ? what ? 45 years old? You can only change your attitude towards him, you either put up with all his personal and business crap and be miserable all the time OR you take the consequences and leave him?" The sound of the doorbell chiming ended that conversation. Their first customer for the day had arrived. "Go home, Kate," Lea said "get some sleep, I can manage alone today." Feeling somewhat foolish, Kate nodded and grabbed her bag. It was going to be another long and lonely day. *************************************** For the first time in weeks Kate had venture to "their" Starbucks and had just sat down in her usual spot on the couch, when Walter Skinner entered the caf?. He didn?t even notice her sitting there Kate had never met Dana Scully, but knew in an instant that the woman with him had to be her. She took one look at Skinner and the pretty, pale redhead and she knew. From the way he looked at her, gently placing his hand on the small of her back, asking her what she wanted and ordering for her, his whole demeanor? He was in love with her. Not only in love. He adored her. She was the love of his life. Just like he was Kate's. In an instant Kate knew he would never look at herself this way, nor would he ever be so gentle. It was, as if Dana Scully was made out of glass. 'He has never ever looked at me that way,' Kate thought. Still, there were similarities between Scully and herself; it was as if Kate was a younger, more voluptuous version of Dana Scully. 'Was that what had attracted him to me in the first place?' she asked herself while hastily picking up her bag and book, trying to sneak out of the shop. But Walter Skinner chose that moment to turn and survey the crowd. Kate stared at him in horror. His eyes were bruised and deeply red. He had obviously been injured and she hadn't even known about it. When he recognized her, Kate could see the surprise in his face ? and the guilt. "Kate, I? wait." When he took a step towards her, Scully turned. Her pale face and blue eyes registered astonishment, but before either of them could say anything Kate fled the coffee shop. She had noticed the same injuries in Dana Scully's pretty face. Kate didn?t turn back once as she fled down the street towards Georgetown, tears blinding her. *************************************** At home, Kate collapsed on her couch, sobbing. Nothing helped. Her rational side told her, that they were colleagues, that Scully was most certainly in love with her partner and expecting his baby, that they had only been at a coffee shop together for heaven's sake. She knew all that, but she couldn't get the image of him looking at Scully out of her mind. At night, Kate would dream of his dark eyes looking at herself with the same adoration and love, of his hand gently guiding her, his whole being focusing only on her - Kate Maguire. Skinner had been injured, hurt, probably even in a hospital and had never let her know. He'd come back to Washington and hadn't let her know. How long had he been back? Kate cried herself to sleep that night, missing his arms around her, hating him at the same time. Hating herself for being so weak. *********************************** The next day, Skinner tried to call Kate at work, getting only Lea, leaving a message on Kate's answering machine at home. He still recalled the hurt and confused look on her face and wanted to explain, but what was there to explain. He had behaved like shit, never even letting Kate know, that he was back in town, that after he had been on the brink of death, he was back... How could he explain though? What was there to explain? That consumed by guilt and longing to prove something to Scully, he had almost forgotten the woman he had spent so much of his time with in the last months? That he couldn't leave Scully now that her world had been turned upside down, that Scully needed him, needed to have some sanity in her life, after all the insanity of the last months and the loss of the man she loved. After all, he knew what it meant to lose somebody you loved?. *********************************** Kate didn?t return his calls or his e-mails She did not want to face him, couldn't face him. She felt too fragile for that. Then, weeks later, one evening when she locked up the store there he was, casually dressed in jeans, his hands buried in the pockets of a long leather jacket. Kate swallowed and took her time to lock the doors. "Hey." He said, tentatively reaching out to her. She stopped in my tracks. "What?" Her voice was hoarse. "Nothing. I wanted to see you." "Now you have seen me, so?" Kate knew she sounded like a spoilt child, but she couldn't help it. It was either that or breaking down in his arms, sobbing. She still missed him so much and seeing him there, tall and solemn in the twilight was like a shot through her heart. He put his hand back in his pocket and nodded. "Can I at least take you home?" Kate hesitated, looking up into his dark eyes, she felt her resolve melting. "OK, why not." Ever the gentlemen, Skinner took her heavy laptop bag off her shoulder and they silently walked to his car. He glanced at Kate and was about to say something when his phone rang. "Skinner! What! Yes, I'll be there? no John; I'll call her, yes I am sure?" Switching the phone off he turned to Kate. "I am sorry, I have to go its Mulder, they found him, dead. I need to be there for Da.. Scully." "Stay." "I can't? she needs me." With that he handed Kate her bag and left, never turning back. She stood there, in the deserted street, the cold wind whipping her coat around her ankles, drying the tears that ran down her cheeks. The next day, she called Lea telling her she was sick and stayed in bed, alternately crying and cursing Walter Skinner and herself. How could she have fallen for him like that? How could she have made him her whole universe? She remembered the time, when she had been barely 22 and had fallen for her English professor. They had carried on an affair for one and a half years before realizing he would never love her like she loved him, because while she had considered this relationship special, for him she had only been one of many pretty students. It took her 4 years to get over him, and she had sworn that she would never lose herself so completely in the love for one man again. Until Walter Skinner. He was everything Kate wanted from a man. All the others had just been boys. But his love didn't belong to her, at least not the way she wanted it to. His love, that special one that comes from deep within, that makes you ache for the other, live and die for the other, belonged to Dana Scully. How tragic that she in turn seemed loved her partner. When Skinner called again that evening he said. "Mulder is dead. We've just buried him." Kate was lost for words. Irrational thoughts raced through her mind. The other man was dead. Scully was alone. She could be his now. "Can I see you?" "No, I don't want to see you again, Walter. I can't." Kate took a deep breath, choking back the tears. "Why not? "Because you don't love me like I deserve to be loved. I don't want to be someone you just content with. You will never look at me like you look at Dana Scully. I want more than that." She answered with a newfound resolve. "Kate, I?" "No, please don't, please don't excuse yourself." She didn't want to hear what he had to say. Very quietly, she hung up the phone. *********************************** The coming weeks were awful for Kate. She worked until she was completely exhausted, took over shifts at the store from Lea, only to come home to an empty apartment. She started smoking again, having quit when she'd met Skinner. She stayed in bed all weekend and didn't take any calls from friends. She got sick, falling into bed with cramps and vomiting whenever she ate something. When she didn't get better, she went to see her doctor. *********************************** "I'm pregnant." Lea turned from the paperwork and stared at her friend incredulously. "What did you say?" "I'm pregnant." Kate's voice sounded strangely lifeless as she sat down next to Lea. "How? When?" Kate couldn't help but smile. "Well?." but Lea waved her off. "OK, OK, by Walter of course, I am 3 months gone?" Kate could very well remember the night it must have happened. They had taken a trip out to Annapolis on a particularly sunny day, one day of respite amongst the emotional turmoil of their complicated relationship. The had ridden in her convertible, laughing an joking all day like children, staying and a fabulous Inn for dinner and ending up taking a room for the night. No thoughts about protection, no thoughts about tomorrow. They had been too consumed by each other that it didn?t seem to matter. That had been before Oregon, before he lost Mulder and they ultimately lost touch with each other. Before Kate realized that he loved Dana Scully more than he loved herself. "How could you not have noticed?" Kate shrugged. "You know that I have never been regular, I put it down to the emotional trauma and the other stress." Lea looked at her steadily. "What are you going to do?" "I don't know ? what is there to be done?" Lea just kept on looking. She didn't want to list the choices. She knew that Kate knew. "I need to get away for a few days ? just until I am sure what I want," Kate said. 'Until the pain goes away' she thought. Lea nodded. It was a good idea. "Sure ? I can manage here for a bit, I'll get some college kid to help out." That settled Kate went to see her aunt on the coast of Maine. *************************************** Coastal Maine, One week later The quiet beauty of the forests and the sea up there calmed Kate more and more each day. She took long walks, listening to the waves and the whispering of the trees, letting herself get spoiled rotten by her aunt Anna, who had always adored her and had given her a home when Kate's parents had died, while she was still in college. Walter Skinner was in Kate's thoughts constantly, whether she walked on the beach or sat in the local coffee shop with a book. Her dreams of him were so real that in the mornings, she woke up confused by their intensity it was as if her brain couldn't compute, that she wasn't in his arms anymore. Anna soon noticed that there was more than a broken heart behind her niece's stay and one evening, after Kate had suffered an especially vile case of evening- sickness, she couldn?t but ask. "You are pregnant, aren't you?" Kate sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, nodding. "What are you going to do?" "I don't know? I have one more week to decide and I can't? I am scared, Anna." "Of what?" "I am scared I won't manage, I am scared to lose whatever life I have left, to raise my child without a father? I am 31 years old, I should be able to deal with a child, but.. I am just scared." Anna sat down next to her and looked at her. "That sounds to me, as if you've already made some kind of a decision?" Kate looked up and realized that yes, apart from the fear of actually dealing with the fact that she was to become a mother, she HAD made her decision. "Oh my God, you are right? I think I have!" Anna hugged her niece to her tightly. "I am so happy for you. You'll manage, don't worry, you have your own business, your own home and the rest will find itself." Kate nodded ? she would manage. She would finally have to grow up. *********************************** 3 weeks later Kate was finally ready to go back to her own house. When she entered the classic brownstone, which her parents had inherited form her grandmother, she looked around as if for the first time, evaluating the place as a home for her and her baby. "It will certainly do," she muttered to herself, taking in the airy living and dining room complete with fire place on the first floor, where French doors led outside to a small walled garden. Her furniture was minimal, bookcases were built into walls, there was only her beloved wide red velvet couch and armchair, low coffee table, the usual TV, DVD-player and stereo and in the dining room an antique buffett and long solid oak table with 6 mismatched chairs. The kitchen was downstairs, with a stone floor, fitted wooden cabinets and classic oval breakfast table and it even sported a dumbwaiter running from the kitchen to the dining room. Upstairs were her bedroom, master bath, guest room cum office and guest bath, and another smaller room with dormer windows dominated the top floor of the house. She would remodel the guestroom/office into the baby's room and use the top floor as new guest room. When she came back downstairs, she noticed how Lea had put some fresh flowers on the hall table and laid our her mail sorted into junk mail, invoices and personal. She took everything into the kitchen, poured herself a glass of water and starting looking through the bills and personal stuff briefly until she came upon a large stuffed envelope. No return address just her own in distinctive handwriting. Skinner's handwriting. With trembling hands, she opened the envelope which contained a note and a silver picture frame. The note simply said. "Thought you'd enjoy this, I certainly do. Walter." Nothing else. She turned the frame and unbidden tears shot into her eyes. It was a picture taken on THAT day at the beach, her and Skinner, arm in arm on the beach, jeans wrapped up above their ankles, laughing, relaxed. She had stopped a passing couple asking them to take their picture and had bullied Skinner into standing still. It had been a perfect day. Now sobbing, she set down the picture and buried her face in her hands, then wiped the tears away angrily. She was done crying. From now on she would grow up, take matters into her own hand for her child, coming to terms with the fact that this had been the exception? those few perfect days and stolen moments with him. From now own, it would be just her and her baby. *********************************** Bookends Bookstore, 5 months later The pregnancy hadn't been easy for Kate, she had vomited up to the beginning of her sixth month and was still grateful for Lea being so understanding, having to spend many days at home, too sick to work. On those long days she thought about herself, her life, her baby and Walter Skinner a lot and finally stopped hating him and hating herself. She realized that their time might have been just bad timing. She became calmer, happier, finally starting to enjoy her pregnancy, getting the room ready for the baby, going out with Lea to get baby things. Now, Kate was standing in the bookshop, straightening some childrens' books, when a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. "Lea," she gasped. "Remember when I told you this morning that this baby better come soon?" Her friend was at her side instantly. "I think this is it." Effective as ever, Lea shooed away the last customers, grabbed Kate's overnight bag from the office and took her friend to the hospital. 6 hours later Molly Elizabeth Maguire was born and all the pain and all the grief were forgotten. Kate was in love and everything else seized to matter. ******************************************* Bookends Bookstore, Two weeks later Lea was straightening some books on a quiet afternoon, when the door chimed, admitting a loner customer. A woman struggled with a stroller and Lea rushed over to hold the door for her. Too bad Kate wasn't there; she would have loved to meet somebody else with a baby. "Hi," the woman said, "I was wondering if this was Kate Maguire's shop?" Lea looked at the woman in astonishment. "It sure is, she is my partner." When the woman followed her to the counter, Lea stole a glance at the baby. "Cute kid?" A smile brightened the other woman's face. "Thanks, he is almost 4 months old now." Lea nodded. "What is it about Kate? And who are you?" "I am sorry," the woman extended her hand, "my name is Dana Scully." Trying not to look to amazed, Lea nodded again. So this was Dana Scully, she had imagined her to be a cool business woman/FBI Agent type but the woman before her did not fulfill that clich? in her jeans, white shirt and soft brown leather jacket the shoulder length hair loosely framing her pretty face. "I was wondering if I could have a word with Kate," Scully enquired. "She is not there at the moment, can I help you?" "It's a personal matter, I?m afraid." Lea raised an eyebrow, sure that this visit had something to do with Walter Skinner, but unsure to venture any further. "Can I give her a message then?' Scully hesitated, then pulled a small notepad out of her purse, scribbling a short message and folding the paper. "Give her this. Thank you!" "Anytime." With that she turned the stroller around and left the bookstore, leaving Lea behind wondering. ************************* Kate Maguire's apartment Later that same day Kate watched her sleeping daughter and smiled, lost in the sight of her sweet baby, tiny fists curled, dark lashes already touching her pink cheeks. Ever since she'd come home from the hospital with Molly she had moved in a haze of happiness. Nothing seemed important anymore but the baby and the absolute peace that had come over her. There were no more doubts, no more insecurity, as if it was just Kate and Molly, Molly and Kate. It somehow seemed enough. When Lea came over later, they sat in the kitchen, chatting about the shop and planning Kate's return. It would be easy as she could just bring Molly along. They had converted the second storeroom into a "baby room" so Molly could be undisturbed and Kate could get some rest if she needed too. "Dana Scully came to see you today!" Lea said suddenly without pretext. "What?" Kate almost dropped the teapot she'd be about to put on the table. "Yeah, wouldn't tell me what she wanted? she had her baby with her, cute little boy." "And?" "Nothing, I just told her you weren't there and she gave me this." Lea had debated whether she should give her friend the note, as she was sure it concerned Walter Skinner but in the end had decided that Kate was a grown-up woman now and would know what was best for herself and her baby. Trembling, Kate sat down and unfolded the note. "It isn't me he needs," it read in clear handwriting. "It is you. And he doesn't even know it." Nothing else. Kate laid down the note and sighed, closing her eyes briefly. "I need to lay down, can you let yourself out?" Lea nodded and glanced at the note. 'Oh dear, not again.' *********************************** That night, Kate didn't sleep. Unbidden thoughts and memories were whirling through her mind and she couldn't stop them, mentally rehashing every conversation she'd had with Walter Skinner, trying to analyze each of his words and gestures in hindsight. Wishing, she had been less despondent, less needy. Wishing he had been an easier man to love. Could she jump into cold water again? Did she want to? Finally, in the early morning, she got up and walked to her daughter's bedroom. Molly snuffled in her sleep and Kate gently touched the tuft of silky black hair on her head. 'I need more time.' *********************************** Walter Skinner's residence Crystal City, Virginia 6 months later Walter Skinner slammed the door shut behind him and fell on the couch without removing his coat. He took off his glasses and got up again to pick up the bottle of whisky that was still standing on the breakfast bar, grabbing the used glass out of the sink and settling back down. For 6 months now, he had been working too hard, drinking too much and generally had been more miserable than ever in his life. The X-Files were closed. Just as Scully had hoped for, Mulder had been standing in her doorway on night, tired, weary, back from the dead. Coming back to life with no memory of his dying or his resurrection and instantly becoming a father. Although overjoyed by the site of William, he'd had a hard time coping, riddled by nightmares, paranoia and angst. He and Scully had finally decided to leave the country and take advantage of the fact, that Mulder was still presumed dead. Relieved to finally be able to do something, Skinner had helped them with new identities, transport out of the country and then one cool, sunny morning had seen the little family off at a private airfield outside Washington. He didn't know were they had settled, but got regular emails from both of them. They seemed content, having finally left the demons behind for now. If only he'd been able to do the same. As he moved to another position within the FBI with more responsibility, more duties and more politics and his life finally began taking on a resemblance of normality and routine, the whole weight of the last 9 years came crashing down on him. All the losses, the horrors he had suffered came back to him and made him lay awake every night, mind churning, trying to numb his pain with alcohol, women. Nothing helped. He was empty. When he did sleep, Kate's face haunted him in his dreams and he still missed her desperately, but how could he go back to a woman he had hurt so deeply? He was ashamed of his lacking commitment, ashamed of leaving things as he had left them, yet he couldn't muster the courage to make contact with her again. Once more, he sought strength in silence but this time it wouldn't come. Kate and the newfound friendship with Dana Scully had changed him. The shrill beeping of his cell phone interrupted his reverie and he shook his as if to clear his mind. "Hello?" A brief silence, then. "It's me - Kate." Skinner sat up straight on the couch, his head swimming from shock and alcohol. Clearing his throat, he managed a hoarse. "Yeah?" Questions were running through is brain, there was so much he wanted to say but he was paralyzed. "I?" hesitation in her voice, then more determined. "I would like to see you." See him?? "OK," he croaked. "When? We could meet at?" "No," she interrupted him "I am in front of your building. Can I come up?" Numbly, he answered. "Of course. Park the car in the garage, if you want." Shedding his jacket, he cursed his own stupidity of sitting there like a fool drinking, when finally Kate was coming back. If she was coming back. He rushed upstairs to his bedroom, shedding his jacket and getting rid of this tie on the way up, stuffing everything into the closet and pulling on more causal jeans, then just as he finished brushing his teeth, the doorbell chimed. He took one last look at himself in the mirror and went back downstairs, taking one last fortifying breath at the door. There she was, standing calmly in the hallway, dressed casually in jeans and t-shirt, long knitted jacket and leather flip-flops, her dark-red hair a bit longer and curling round her face and neck, her green eyes shining. She looked softer, more serene and infinitely more beautiful than he remembered. "Hello Walter." She said calmly and only then did he notice the baby carrier. He gestured for her to come in and his gaze fell automatically to her hands, searching for a ring. 'She has come to tell me it is over, she has found somebody else.' The thought came to his mind unbidden. 'Could she be so cruel?' Kate's heart was beating rapidly, as she stepped into his apartment, walking quickly to the kitchen and setting down Molly's carrier on the worktop. Skinner followed her more slowly and stood in the doorway, a shocked and at the same time questioning look in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "Do you want something to drink?" Better to make polite small talk. "A beer would be nice." She said and he handed her his usual German import from the fridge. Kate noticed his trembling hands and the way he avoided her gaze and that tonight he did look every single one of his 47 years. But god he was still handsome, he had shaved off most of his remaining hair and gotten new, square glasses, his body still that of a much younger man in his jeans and white dress shirt. She also noticed he'd been drinking. The look in his dark eyes was that of a confused boy. "Kate, why have you come?" Now it was her turn to start trembling. "I have got something to tell you." 'Ok, here goes', he thought, mentally steeling himself. But he could never have anticipated her next sentence. "Walter, meet Molly Elisabeth," she said as she unstrapped the baby from its carrier, turning her so she faced Skinner. "You daughter." He gasped and had to steady himself on he worktop, emotions running wild, heart starting to flutter in his chest. "What?" He rasped. "She is yours, Walter. I thought you should know." His heart rate slowing down, he looked at the little face and eyes of the baby. Dark brown curls were beginning to form on her head and she gazed up in his face, extending her chubby fingers towards him. Without thinking, he took her from Kate and held the baby in his arms; involuntary tears springing to his eyes as he looked into Molly's liquid dark ones. His eyes. Not at doubt that she was his daughter. Kate followed him to the living room, her throat constricting at the thought of her beloved baby daughter and her father. He sat down, cradling the half sitting Molly, motioning for Kate to join him. She took a nervous sip of her beer and he said. "Should you be drinking?" Kate laughed out loud. "I am not nursing her anymore. She is too hungry." Molly had grabbed a finger of his right and and was trying to pull it to her to chew on and a smile finally crossed his face. "But? " "How? I am sure I don't have to tell you that, as to when? our day at the beach." How well he remembered that day. His heart sunk at the magnitude of his mistake. "Why didn't you tell me?' She sighed, setting down her beer and nervously running her hand through her hair. "I couldn't? it hurt too much at the time. I needed some time for myself first, to grow up." She answered matter-of-factly. "I needed time to think about what I wanted once I decided to keep her, don't think I didn't consider telling you, but? at the time I couldn't forgive you for not loving me?" He started to protest but she held up her hand to stop him. "For not loving me the way I deserve to be loved, for not being able to jump over your shadow, but then I realized, that it always takes two. I made it too easy for you and you took the easy road. I guess I blamed you for that as well, but I don't anymore. You had unresolved issues and yes, you should have solved them or pushed them aside when we were getting more serious, but that didn't give me the right to condemn you so totally." She moved closer to him, taking hold of Molly's foot and absentmindedly playing with it. "It wasn't an easy pregnancy, so there was a lot of time to think, since I couldn't even get to work on some days. I was too hard on you, but I also realized that it didn't do me any good to devote my whole being just to you. I was so sure that you would go back to Dana Scully once her partner was dead, I didn't even want to hear your side, but then she came to the shop?" "Scully came to see you? When?" "It doesn't matter. She left me a note. That was 6 months ago. Now I am here. I don't want anything from you but I thought you had the right to know that you had a daughter." Skinner's gaze fell once again on Molly, whose eyes were drooping, he small hand still firmly holding on to his right index finger. "Is that all you came for?" It came out more sharply than he'd had intended. Doubt was already gnawing in the back of his mind. Did she have any feelings left for him? Before she could answer, Skinner decided it was enough of the silence. He took a deep breath. "Kate, if I could only tell you how much I have missed you. I have been miserable. You are right, I had a lot of unresolved issues and some of them might never be solved but once you were gone, I realized just how important you had become to me and how pointless and empty my life was going to be without you. Not at first mind you, there was Scully and her child, William, and then Mulder came back?" he heard her sharp intake of breath at the mention of a dead man's return, "it is all too complicated, Kate, but once Scully and Mulder were gone, then it really hit me. I have lost so many important things in my life and then you as well, possibly the most important thing that happened to me in years." Her eyes filled with tears as reached out to her and drew her into a warm embrace. Kate swallowed hard. She had come here to show him his daughter and to some kind of find closure, but she hadn't expected this uncharacteristic openness. Could there really still be a chance for them? Skinner stroked her cheek gently. "Do you think you could give an old fool like me another chance?" It was as if he'd read her mind. She nodded, smiling through the tears. "I think so, but I need some time, I need to take it slow. For Molly." He nodded and bent to kiss her tenderly. She could smell the alcohol in his breath as he lifted her chin and pressed his lips to hers. They felt soft and warm under hers and she closed her eyes once again, finally giving in to the sensation. It felt like coming home as they continued kissing tenderly, their sleeping child between them. *********************************** After Kate had left with Molly, Skinner sat on the couch for a long time, reeling from the revelations of the evening. He was a father and although he hadn't been there from the start, he'd fallen in love with Molly instantly, a feeling so intense that it almost took his breath away. He had to make it work this time. *********************************** Their relationship took a whole new turn in the next few weeks. Before, it had been more an affair, with meetings in restaurants, sex and a few stolen moments. Now, they got to know each other differently. Kate went back home and intended to stay there, so Skinner changed his routine to accommodate her and Molly, taking lunch breaks out of the office to pick them up for a stroll in the park and a picnic lunch, or to pick Kate up from the shop after work, taking her and Molly back to Kate's where she would cook something, let him help feed and bathe Molly and put her to bed, before the two of them would settle down for their own dinner in Kate's comfortable kitchen. Skinner felt home, content like he hadn't been in years and yet Kate made him go back to his own apartment every night. If she needed time, he would give her time. ************************************************** Kate Maguire's House 3 months later Kate was sitting in the living room playing with Molly, when she heard the key in the lock. "Kate? It's me" 'Daddy's here' she whispered to Molly out loud she said. "We're in here!" Skinner came in, still in his severe dark suit, grocery bags in both arms. "Hey, Princess. I'll just take these downstairs, dinner's my treat tonight." "Hear that, Molly, Daddy is making dinner tonight." Skinner still had Molly's tinkling baby-laugh in his ears as he first went downstairs, then back upstairs to change. Although he still drove home most nights, he kept some clothes here, since he spent almost all his evenings with Kate and Molly anyway, having braved the first night alone with his daughter 2 months ago, when Kate had an author reading at the bookstore. His life had taken a 180-degree turn but he cherished every moment of it, falling in love with Kate more and more each minute, as they grew closer again, her inhibitions fading, her trust in him returning. He had a key to her house and except for him either driving home or sleeping on the sofa, their life was that of a couple again and tonight he intended to tip the scales just a little bit. He had learned to cook after Sharon died, although he never enjoyed it but tonight he would cook for Kate. He'd ventured to the supermarket after work, getting vegetables, pasta, herbs and wine and was now standing in the kitchen, barefoot and in faded jeans, chopping away at eggplants, zucchinis and fresh basil, a glass of red wine next to him, one of Kate's CDs playing on the small stereo. "Wow, that smells delicious," Kate said when she came down after putting Molly to bed. She stood on tiptoe to give him a peck on the cheek but he turned and the kiss landed on her mouth. Wrapping one hand round her waist, he drew her close and savored the taste of her mouth, kissing her long and hard, his body pressing to hers, then turning back to his cooking. Kate blinked. "Wow, that tastes delicious." She said, smiling broadly as she poured herself a glass of wine. She started to take out plates and cutlery and set them out on the kitchen table but Skinner stopped her. "Why don't we eat upstairs tonight?" He asked and she nodded. "Sure." "Dinner'll be ready in 10 minutes." When he carried their two glasses upstairs ten minutes later, Kate had set the table, lit some candles and put music on. He took the pasta plates and salad out of the dumb waiter and set them on the massive oak table. "What's the occasion? This looks fabulous" Kate exclaimed as the looked at the food. Tagliatelle pasta with grilled eggplant, zucchini and tomato sauce, fresh salad, warm foccacia bread. "You, us, Molly, whatever!" They chatted all through dinner, suddenly closer than in weeks. Skinner noticed how the candlelight made Kate's hair glow fiery and her eyes sparkle as she laughed and flirted with him. After dinner he made a fire and they sat in front of the blaze, glass of Scotch in their hands. "Care to dance?" Skinner got up and extended one hand as the soft voice of Norah Jones filled the room. Kate set down her whisky and let herself be drawn into his warm embrace. As they swayed to the music, she could feel his heart beating against where her head was on his chest and when she looked up into his eyes, she saw raw emotion in them and a wave of desire swept over her. She stood on tiptoe, kissing him softly on the mouth, until she felt him responding. At first he kissed the corner of her mouth with tender, exploratory kisses. His cheek was rough against the softness of hers and her senses seemed to slip away from her as she breathed the dizzying combination of his aftershave and his own male scent; an explosive cocktail of pheromone and citrus. His breath whispered across her skin as his mouth settled decisively on hers, opening it like a flower. He tasted of whisky and his kiss had all the fire and force of the spirit. But like the whisky his passion was controlled, tamed by ancient skills and half-forgotten alchemy. His mouth delighted her, she reveled in his skill as all his concentration centered on her mouth. His tongue probed hers with delicate mastery, teasing the softness of her lips, her teeth, her tongue until her bones turned to water and the last of her inhibitions drained away. When at least he drew back they were both panting, and she realized when it came to kissing the others were mere amateurs. His voice was husky when he spoke and his breathing shallow. "I've missed this." He pulled her into his arms again and didn't try to speak for some time. She had found her way under his shirt and had pulled it out of his trousers, and her fingers were tracing lines on the wonderfully sculpted body she hadn't touched in such a long time. His hands were in her hair and his kissed grew more intense as she exposed his torso like a blind woman, feeling the silk of his skin over the marble-hard musculature He slipped of her shirt in one fluid motion, opening her bra and letting it fall to the floor. He took hold of her breasts, weighing them with his hands, caressing her nipples. She felt herself beginning to tremble. She had wanted him so much in the last weeks that now she could hardly wait for him to be hers again. "You're so beautiful" Stripping her of her jeans and panties, his gaze roved up and down her body, lingering over her full breasts, her slightly rounded belly and the curve of her thighs beneath the darkness of her pubic hair. He drew her onto the couch, pulling legs across him so she was almost sitting on his lap. His lips hovered above her breasts before he took her nipples into his mouth one at a time. She arched her back so he had better access and sighed softly as he turned the whole of her front into an erogenous zone. His fingers, which had been shadowing the actions of his mouth on her other nipple, began to wander below her navel. His mouth found hers again and just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, he sat her down next to him in one swift motion to be able to get up. Fearing he'd changed his mind she was relieved to watch him strip off his pants and boxers in one swift motion. It was a like watching a Greek statue come to life ? how she'd missed the sight of his body. When he joined her on the wide couch, and she felt the silken caress of skin against skin, all her doubts and fears were swept away by simple passion. Their lovemaking after all those months was shocking in its intensity, so lacking the restraint which characterized him that it took her breath away. Under his caresses, his whispered exclamations at her beauty, she flowered, opening herself to him emotionally and physically. And she did want him. She had never wanted him more and it felt as if he'd been created to satisfy her need which grew, like a tidal wave, slowly at first, but which culminated into a wordless, mindless flood of emotion, and which left her panting out of control. As she felt herself reaching an orgasm, she clutched at him, digging her nails into his shoulders, scared of losing her mind. Scared of losing herself in him completely and irrefutably once again. He didn't break their rhythm and only after she had stopped shuddering did he seek his own pleasure and, still inside her, slumped on her body, his sweat slicking against her own, whispering her name over and over. After what seemed like an eternity he moved to grab a blanket off the back of the couch, spooning her and wrapping them both up. Life couldn't get any better than this. Hours later, Skinner was woken by Molly's screaming. Looking down at Kate's still sleeping from he carefully got up, pulled on his boxers and shirt and hurried upstairs to calm his daughter. Molly's face was red from screaming and he picked her up, laying her down on the changing table and changing her with a few swift movements, just as Kate had taught him. "Who's have thought", he whispered at the baby, "that I would be changing nappies in my old age, would you Molly, would you." The wailing calmed to a snuffling, as Molly calmed down, staring trustingly at her father, who was talking more nonsense to her in a hushed voice, as he walked around the room trying to get her to go back to sleep, then finally settling in the love seat, Kate had put up in the baby's room just for that purpose. When Kate came up half an hour later, she found them both asleep, Skinner sideways on his back on the couch, long legs dangling over the armrest, Molly fast asleep on his chest. As she stood in the doorway, another wave of tenderness washed over her. How could she bear to let him go ever again? She knew she couldn't and at this moment she decided that her life would only ever make sense with him in it. Carefully entering the room, she startled him awake by picking up the baby, who let herself be put back to bed with no fuss at all. "Come on, time to go to bed." She extended her hand and drew him up from the couch, leading her to her bedroom. "Are you sure?" She smiled up at him as she settled herself in his arms beneath the covers. "Of course I am sure, I've already lost too much time not being sure." "I love you." He said and gently stroked her cheek. "I know, I love you too." THE END