Title: A Perfect World
Author: DanaK35; DanaK35@yahoo.com
URL: http://danak35.tripod.com//
Archiving: sure, let me know where though
Rating: PG-13
Classification: V, Angst, MSR implied
Spoilers: everything up to recent Season 8 
spoilers is fair game
Keywords: Scully's POV, Angst
Summary: In a perfect world things would 
be different

Author's note: my first attempt at fanfic 
after a bad case of writer's block.
Dedicated to my friends Elizabeth and 
Sabine.

Disclaimer: 'The X-Files' and all 'The X-
Files' related characters and situations are 
the intellectual property of Chris Carter, 
1013 Productions and the FOX network. 
The following material is not intended to 
infringe on the above copyright in any way. 
Which means, they aren't mine, yak yak 
yak...you know the drill!


A Perfect World
By DanaK35

I close the apartment door behind me. 
Darkness and silence close in on my like a 
living thing. 

In a perfect world, the voice of my beloved 
would greet me and his arms would 
envelope me in their warm security. 

But this isn't a perfect world and I am alone.

I turn on all the lights and the stereo to 
banish the quiet and the darkness, before 
I shrug out of my jacket.

The counters of the kitchen sparkle as if 
nobody had been cooking or eating in here 
for weeks, which is true. I don't like to be 
alone anymore and so I spend more time 
at the office or at the headquarters of the 
gunmen, than in my apartment.

After I have put on the kettle I wander 
into the bedroom, pausing to look at my 
reflection in the wardrobe mirror in ever 
growing astonishment.

My hair is shiny and I have the proverbial 
glow on my face, that pregnant women are 
supposed to have. But I am not glowing 
inside. 

In a perfect world, my beloved would step 
behind me now, encircling my swollen belly 
with his arms, gently caressing it, admiring 
the new life we have created.

But this isn't a perfect world and so I step 
in front of the mirror alone. I take of my 
jacket and lift the shirt I have been 
wearing untucked. The top button of my 
trousers doesn't close anymore and I am 
definitely showing now.

Curious looks have been following me 
around the office all day. People were 
counting, wondering just who the father of 
Dana Scully's child could be. In a perfect 
world, Mulder would be with me and we 
would be happy and proud, oblivious to the 
stares and sharp remarks, the false 
compassion. But this isn't a perfect world 
and so Mrs. Spooky has to face it all alone.

My hand gently wraps around my belly and 
I am rewarded by a little kick from you. In 
a perfect world I would be beaming with 
joy but instead I am still trembling with 
fear at what I almost did to you. 

At what they almost did to you. 

My first glimpse at you on an ultrasound 
screen would have been a happy, 
expectant one, not one that made me 
tremble with fear and even though it 
showed a healthy baby, the printed 
pictures I received later showed something 
different.

You weren't my perfect baby. You were 
something out of a nightmare and when I 
was told that you were deformed and it 
was better to abort the pregnancy, I 
almost agreed. 

I did not waste one minute on the thought 
of them trying to kill you before you were 
even born.

Skinner convinced me to get a second 
opinion. The gunmen took me to someone 
I could trust. I had to trust. 

The ultrasound was perfect again. My perfect little girl.

'How could I have ever forgiven myself?' I ask aloud and 
you kick me again.

In a perfect world I would not have had to 
make that decision all by myself. Your 
father would have been there with me.

In a perfect world your father would want 
to be a father to you, not just a donor. It 
might be a good thing after all, that you 
were created not in an act of science, but 
in an act of love.

Science failed, but love, even if only one 
night of passionate love, created the 
wonder I have been waiting for, for so 
long.

In a perfect world, your father and I would 
be waiting for you together, anxiously 
waiting for the time we could hold you in 
our arms but this isn't a perfect world and 
your father is not here. 

Even if he was I don't know if he would be 
as anxious as I am. He has always been 
afraid of what the next step would do to 
our relationship.

But I know deep in my heart, that we are 
perfect for each other. 

One night of passion, one night were we 
did not hide our feelings or cared about 
the next day brought this miracle upon me 
and maybe, just maybe your existence will 
make your father forget his fears. 

We wouldn't be lonely anymore.

Then maybe it could become a perfect 
world after all.


END